Four Types of Daters - Which One Are You?

Tonja Weimer

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There are four types of daters. Do you know which one you are? Would you like to date more?

People give many reasons why they can’t find anyone to date. Here are some recent ones I've heard:

“I can’t meet anyone to date at church. Everyone at my church is old". (Maybe those old people would introduce you to their single children or grandchildren if you would reach out to them. )

“There’s no one to date in this town. ” (Are you in a ghost town? How about extending yourself to a neighboring town?)

“I’m too fat to date. ” (If you can walk out of the house, you can date. And if you can’t get out of the house, your date can come and visit you. )

“All the good ones are gone. ” (How could they be? You’re still here. )

Dating can't happen if you believe any of the above phrases. These are the reasons people give themselves to stay stuck. If you can find several people who say the same thing, these reasons sound like the LAW. These are the roadblocks we put in our way.

Daters fall into four categories:


Some daters are cautious and clueless. Cautious is another way of saying that you are scared. Clueless means that you don’t have any idea how to get a date. It is easy for you to embrace all the negative beliefs inside you and coming from the rest of the world that say, “You’ll never find anyone to date, and if you did, you wouldn’t like them anyway. ” There are a million reasons why there is no point in dating, or, trying to meet someone and fall in love. Don’t believe them. If you listen to them, you will remain—Cautious, Clueless, and Stuck.


Wannabe Daters often use these words. When you hear yourself say, “If only, ” you are actually saying it’s never going to happen. “If only I had met him first. ” “If only I were younger, (taller, thinner, better looking, richer, you-name-it. )” This dater never gets moving, never gets what they want, and never goes after anything with their whole heart because they start off with a self-imposed liability. If only—they could get out of their own way, change their defeatist attitude, and open their eyes to all the opportunity out there.


These daters are the people who are “some day” going to sail around the world, learn a new language, or write their life story. If you are a person who uses this phrase frequently, you may never get around to dating. You may want to be with someone, but not enough to put yourself out there and learn how to date. And maybe you will—some day. Make your “some day” today.


This dater is the person who is willing to learn from others, ask questions, and take action. They are the people you can count on at work to keep their word, do a good job, and get the problem solved. If you are a person who is willing to try hard, you are going to be good at dating. If you show up and socialize, over and over, you are going to be successful. It might not happen as fast as you would like it to, but it will happen.

If you recognize yourself in any of the first three dating categories, just know that you do not have to stay caught there. You have the ability to change your mind, your actions, and your future. There may be four kinds of daters, but you belong among the “willing to try” kinds of people. Then, you will be in a category all your own—“A successful dater!”

Visit or for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article. )


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