Relationships are complex things. Each person is a complex individual, and a mixture of the two can at times become incendiary. There is a solution, however, to insuring that a relationship will last, and that solution is so simple that I wonder why it isn’t mentioned more often.
Before you met your significant other, there were no problems. You were perhaps lonely, or feeling that something was needed to complete you, but there was no anger or irritability, it was more of longing or feeling of incompleteness. There was no jealousy or fear, or resentment of any kind, only emptiness.
Or perhaps you were completely happy with your life, and the other person only made that happiness greater, only enhanced it. Life became even more enjoyable with each other’s company, and things are going swimmingly!
If your relationship is fine, you should be aware that things could change. If things do change, and you begin to feel uncomfortable for one reason or another, then you must find a remedy for this dissatisfaction. If you don’t, the dissatisfaction will fester and one day you might find yourself reacting badly, or even violently. Long before you allow this to happen, heed the little warnings and become pro-active, this will save you much pain, and might even save your relationship.
As matter of fact, even before things turn south, when things are going good, it is well advised to buy a little insurance for yourself and your relationship by doing a few simple things yourself. If you can get your partner to join in, that would be even better, but if not, a solo endeavor works almost as well.
This uncomplicated insurance policy is to simply sit quietly every evening, (not in bed) with the TV off, the music off. It’s not complex. It means that no matter how difficult life becomes, or how intense, there is something greater that you recognize, and therefore life will never flatten you. And this is all communicated by sitting quietly without the insidious constant conversation that goes on endlessly.
This is a powerful thing. Not only will you both be able to step back from the constant pressure of life for a few moments, but your minds will take on a confidence and a companionship that goes much deeper than the sexual, familial, and financial bonds that you have formed. This is a maturity that changes lives and saves relationships. If you have chlildren, you will be surprised how quickly they get into sitting quietly with their parents as well, especially younger children.
If you find that you cannot sit quietly for ten minutes, that you have more important things to do or that sitting quietly seems silly, then be very careful. This indicates an enlarged ego, and could spell trouble down the line for a relationship.
Try not to connect these special quiet moments to any religion. Keep them for yourselves; go within yourselves and discover the true love that can be found there. This love is not attachment or dependency, but an acknowledgment that both of you understand, and that in that understanding lies a unique love that only the two of you share. It’s a way to not only maintain a relationship, but perhaps save a world.
Copyright © E. Raymond Rock 2007. All rights reserved
E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, http://www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-eight years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.AYearToEnlightenment.com