Second Dates: The Biggest Hurdle


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There are two schools of thought for the second date. First make it quick—drinks and a conversation after work. That way you can leave or stay depending on how poorly or well it’s going. Then, the general rule is that the shorter the date, the less chance there is of saying or doing something totally stupid. Here are a few dos and don’ts when you’re going for “seconds. ”

Don’t make up your mind. . . yet. Dating is all about finding that person who’s perfect for you. But it’s about having fun, too. Don't cut your ties because you’re not ready for commitment. Enjoy his laugh, listen to her jokes and reserve judgment.

Do make a third date. Unless it’s clear that the other party isn’t interested in you (she gets up and walks out the door), suggest that you both do it again in a week.

Don’t talk about how busy you are. We all are, ‘nuff said.

Do talk about the first date. You’ve got memories now! As a couple, you have things that you shared and hopefully laughed about. You may even want to reveal how nervous you were. Or how you broke the heel of your shoe and hoped he didn’t notice.

Don’t drink too much—you’ll need your wits. And your driver’s license. The goal is to get home and prepare for the third date.

And then there’s sex. If you didn’t have sex on the first date: a. ) good for you, but b. ) you may feel a little pressure to either make a move or at least bring up the subject. According to different U. S. sex surveys, only about 5-10% of men and women think it’s okay to have sex on the first date. In the UK it’s closer to 75%. (That explains a lot, like: the Spice Girls, those double decker Routemasters, Prince Charles and what’s-her-name. )

Some men feel that women who say “no” are more attractive and consequently treated more respectfully. Other men may feel that she who holds out is just being manipulative. On the flip side, guys who make a move are seen as predacious but those who don’t are seen as, well, like something’s wrong with them. Tough sitch, but honesty works.

Discuss sex on the second date. Maybe after the small talk, drinks, or catching up on the day's events. Something like: “Hey listen, just want to clear the air. I’d rather get to know you first before we … well you know. ” And ladies, lay it on the table—if you’re in it because he’s cute and you like his booty, be clear because he may want something more. Like dinner with your parents.

Bernadette Sukley is a freelance writer with an eye towards the quirky. Her work has appeared in Sports Illustrated for Women, ABROAD and Trying to find the oddball fact? Or love the unique? She does too. Contact: and


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