So here you are, feeling lonely, unloved, neglected, unattractive, ugly, and fat. Not that you are any of them, but this is how you feel. Self-pity can bring many unpleasant feelings to the heart. You wish you were attractive. You wish you were witty. You wish you had a partner. You wish you were loved. You wish you loved someone. You wish you could go out with a bona-fide boy/girlfriend or life-partner having a grand time, going everywhere, and feeling truly special and living like this forever.
But before going about the steps to getting one you must ask yourself: “Why do I want a partner?" Take a deep breath and let the answers come to your mind. Don't judge them, whatever they are. Usually the first thing that comes to your mind is your truth.
Do you need protection? Do you need companionship? Do you need sex? Do you need someone to share house chores? Do you need friendship? Do you need a shoulder to cry on? Do you need a secretary? Do you need a cook? Do you need a mechanic? Do you need another parent for your children? Do you need security? Do you need money?
Depending on your first answers you will realize that you probably do not need a partner. If you think that most of these needs will be met by Prince or Princess Charming, those who have partners will attest to you that that this is not the case. Your expectations will probably not be met and you will be stuck in a relationship that is far from perfect. So, after you determine why you need a life-partner, do the following:
Imagine you are in front of a gigantic salad bar. You will see that there are many more things there than you can possibly eat, and many of them you don't like anyway.
Scan the bar: check the dishes out. Which ones would you discard immediately? Which ones you think, well. . . perhaps later on? Which ones would you say: Yes! This will go into my plate. Fill your plate.
Now, go the dessert bar: this one is even better! Now, choose carefully for though you may love certain types of dessert, they may disagree with you and make you sick. Some are just too pretty but lack taste; some will be way too rich and you will regret eating them later on; some will be just right. Don't forget your tea or coffee.
So now you are ready to make your selection for a partner. Just like you dod for your salad and dessert bars:
1. Make a list of the things that you cannot possibly tolerate in another human being, especially one with whom you will be sharing the rest of your life. 2. Make a list of the things that you can put up with but only if absolutely necessary. 3. Make a list of the things that are very agreeable and pleasant to have. 4. Make a list of the things that you absolutely must have.
Of course these things may be qualities, values, habits, personality traits, physical characteristics, quirks, abilities, past history, family members, health, wealth, etc.
When you are done making your list, write down your affirmation: “I am in the process of meeting my perfect life partner, who is. . . " and then you write down all things that you truly wish to find in your future partner but leave room for pleasant surprises.
Remember to discard the lists that contain the negative stuff; they only served to give you focus on what is important to you. Burn them up. Focus only on what you wish to have. Also, don't forget to leave aside all your needs. They don't matter. After all, you are a complete person and need no one to fill any blanks in your life.
Dr. Maria Moratto, a personal development and self-growth author and speaker invites you to visit Prescription For Bliss at http://rx4bliss.com Join Harmony, a personal development newsletter and receive a free and inspiring e-book and a set of gratitude e-cards. Contact Dr. Maria to schedule a talk for your events and TV, Radio, and media programs. You may reprint this article in its entirety as long as you add this resource box. © Dr. Maria Moratto 2007