Dating And Sexual Confidence Series Part 6: Stop DOING "Natural Confidence" You’ll Never Succeed

Christine Akiteng

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One of the questions I ask my clients, right from the start is, “What do you want?" They say, “I want to have that natural confidence. I want to be completely relaxed in my interactions with the opposite sex. " Then I ask them, “How to do you expect to do that?” The reply is almost always the same. I read this book, I watched this reality TV show or I went to this seminar where say we should do this and don’t do that… Most of them are kind of shocked when I tell them “I don’t teach people how to DO or NOT DO anything. ” This is where they usually say, “You are a dating coach, right?” I say, “yes”, and they are like “What the hell do you coach?

You see, when we hear of “effortless confidence” we want to be like that, we want to achieve a state in which we are completely relaxed in our interactions with the opposite sex, we want to attract a man/woman without putting effort into attracting them; so we make that our goal, our ideal, and strive after it.

But trying to achieve effortless confidence through the use of effort is not going to succeed. Trying to DO “effortless confidence” is an impossible goal for you because everything YOU ARE DOING to appear confident is itself an effort. Anything that YOU DO to stop the effort is itself an effort. Even wanting not to use effort also is effort. It's really frustrating.

Effortless confidence cannot be taught; effortless confidence can not be learned from someone else; and effortless confidence cannot be realized if you are so caught up in “efforting". Effortless confidence that comes from trying to do this and trying to do that does not have an easy flow. It is is hollow, almost as if we are a robot.

It’s like when you are learning how to dance. If you are so caught up in “trying to dance” you are not dancing you are doing the “technique” of dancing. Even a not-so-well trained dancer can see that your dance routine has no fluidity, passion, no soul. But when you stop “trying” there is a spontaneous easy flow in your movement which makes it “natural” and captivating.

Effortless confidence can only happen when we are in a genuinely RELAXED STATE of mind, body, emotions and spirit. The problem is that we can’t truly “relax” when there are all kinds of struggles within that prevent us from opening to vibrant natural self. Getting rid of what is standing in the way of your own most vibrant natural self is what will give you that apparent effortless confidence, that special brand of effortless confidence that makes certain people stand out and draw others to themselves.

You will not be “trying" to be effortlessly confident, you just are.

This shift is not simply a change in attitude but a shift in your way of Be-ing. And practice is crucial for setting this shift in motion, even if practice itself cannot make it happen.

You might also want to read Dating And *** Confidence Series Part 7: You Sexy Thing! Where Did You Come From?

About the Author: Christine Akiteng, *** Confidence/Dating Coach and author of ebook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™ is internationally renowned for her UNIQUE and genuinely insightful outlook to what love is really about, what is there to learn about who we really are and what we can expect from our *** relations. Her very powerful and practical “Fullness Approach™" to dating and relationships and strong emphasis on “you don't need to attract many men/Women, just the RIGHT ONE" has helped many single men and women develop greater capacity to attract the RIGHT man or woman and create fulfilling relationships. . .

Christine's websites: and


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