How to Cope in a Jealous Relationship - FamilyVision Column


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Karl loved Barbara. However, Karl was always harassing Barbara’s male friends. Karl often followed her secretly. As time went by, Barbara became threatened by Karl’s intrusive nature. The fights became more frequent. Barbara felt trapped in Karl’s suffocating love. Barbara wondered how this relationship would end.

The Real Question

Are you dealing with a jealous person? A wife? Husband? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Do you find yourself being attacked on a routine basis? Communicating with a jealous person can create an unsettling environment. This article is not about those individuals engaged in improper behavior and being caught. This article is about innocent individuals, living in an environment of no trust. It really is a hurting feeling when you know you haven’t done anything wrong but the other individual doesn’t believe you.

This article is not about that crazy jealousy that causes people to be obsessive to the point of destruction. In my own neighborhood while going up, we see this insanity. You hear it all the time where a jealous boyfriend murders his girlfriend and kills himself. His words often haunt society, “If I can’t have you, no one can. "

If you are in this type of relationship, get out and move to safety. Our discussion deals with a mild case of jealous that is annoying in a relationship. It’s this kind of take continual accusations have severe consequences over time. This is not an article to make you feel guilty for the year. Rather, this is an article to help foster better communications and decision-making in a relationship.

A Reasonable Approach

In most cases, jealous individuals don’t want to discuss reason or logic. Talking about a person’s jealous behavior is asking for confrontation. The individual often shifts the discussion to something else. However, it places you on the defensive and makes for bad dialogue. Clearly, no one needs to be put in a situation where the person is that unstable.

Sadly, many people spend their lives trying to explain why they are faithful to another person. It can be a losing process. The jealous individual is often insecure about themselves and this is taken out on a loved one, no matter how much the loved one affirms this person. Trust is always a concern. Over the long-term, no relationship will be healthy if the other person is in a constant state of jealousy or fear. Do you want to avoid the endless fights and accusations? If so, here are some suggestions:

  1. Get the individual to discuss their jealous feelings to you.
  2. Re-examine your actions to determine if they are appropriate with others.
  3. Ask a trusted friend to provide an objective view of the situation.
  4. Seek to avoid placing yourself in compromising positions that could be interpreted differently.
  5. Get professional help if the situation continues to get worse.
  6. Accept your situation if you can’t change it. Make the best of it.

The Real Thing

Building meaningful relationships is not an easy process. Jealousy is an emotional process, not logical one. Sadly, many individuals who deal with a jealous mate try to justify their mates’ actions. Let’s review this situation closer. Webster defines jealous as uneasy through fear of, or on account of, preference given to another and suspicion in love. Fear is defined as a painful emotion excited by apprehension of impending danger or dread.

Do you recognize how jealousy and fear are related? Clearly, true love doesn’t operate in fear. This can be clearly seen biblically. In 1 John 4:18, the Bible declares, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. " Real love is not about control. Therefore, you shouldn’t let the ugliness of jealousy destroy your happiness. Commit yourself to meaningful relationships this year. Respect is a key ingredient for a good relationship and a happier life. Start building today!

Daryl and Estraletta Green provide personal advice all around the country. They are the author of several books, including My Cup Runneth Over: Setting Goals for Single Parents and Working Couples. They have been noted and quoted in such media organizations such as USA Today and AP. The Green’s nationally syndicated column, FamilyVision, reached 200 newspapers and over 12 million readers. Do you want a better life? To get a free one hour personal coaching session, you can contact them at


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