Preparing for Remarriage: We are Family (And Then Some)

Alyssa Johnson

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One of the most overlooked aspects of a remarriage is that your family will now include people who aren’t just living in your house. Unfortunately, I’m not just referring to aunts, uncles and grandparents. The hidden truth about divorce is that it doesn’t end your relationship with your ex-spouse or their family, it just re-shuffles it. If you didn’t have children together, then yes, the relationship can be at an end. But…with children in the picture, you will always be connected no matter how angry that may make you. If you are marrying someone who’s been divorced, you need to accept the fact that your partner’s ex-spouse and family will be your family members too.

Now I know a lot of you may be getting angry about now, but take a deep breath and hang in there with me. Obviously these people probably won’t be living IN your house, but their influence will be keenly felt. It’s best that you acknowledge this now and learn how best to prepare for it.

This continued connection to an ex-spouse is why it’s vital to wait in making the decision to remarry. It’s normal for relations with ex’s to be very heated during and shortly after a divorce. You need time to let that anger cool before getting into another relationship, otherwise your anger toward your ex and theirs at you will haunt your new relationship. All this does is make life difficult for you, your new partner, and more than likely your children.

The sooner you can accept that your ex-spouse will be connected to you through your children, the quicker you can squelch those flames of anger and begin to focus on building that connection in a new manner in order to parent your children effectively. In the next article, I'll focus on how that “new connection" should work.

Visit for more information on how to prepare as a couple and a family for remarriage. Now that you've learned one of the differences to expect in a remarriage, I encourage you to register today for a free 5 day e-course focusing specifically on some of the other differences to prepare for at Alyssa Johnson, MSW, LCSW is the founder and CEO of Remarriage Success. She may be reached through her website at where she encourages your feedback and suggestions.


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