Strong Women: Do They Turn Men Off?

Tonja Weimer

Visitors: 168

Have you ever heard other people say that men don't like to date strong women? Do not believe it. The key is to be soft AND strong. Does that sound impossible? It isn't.

Being a soft and strong woman changes the way you look at choices. It alters how you pick people to date. If it were easy or obvious, everyone would do it. How do you get there? By becoming ASSERTIVE.

People have been confused about what it means to be a strong, assertive woman. They thought it meant that you had to get in someone’s face and scream and yell to get what you wanted. That is antagonism and aggression. You aren't being strong and you certainly can't be soft when you take that approach. There is another way to let others know what you want and need. I call it benign assertiveness. Here is how you develop those particular muscles:

*Saying no

Being a soft and strong woman starts with the word “No. ” You don’t have to shout it and you don’t have to defend it, but you do need to pay attention to what does and doesn’t work for you and let others know. Saying no is not a natural response for most of us who were raised to obey our parents, teachers and employers. We have been taught to conform and to go along with people. But in order to give yourself what you need, you have to learn and practice benign assertiveness.

*Needs and boundaries

To be soft and strong, you have to understand your needs and your boundaries. Everyone has needs but most people are clueless as to what they are. Sometimes you don’t discover them until someone crosses a boundary. A boundary is the line you draw between what is OK with you and what is not. Benign assertiveness is telling someone they have crossed the line. You can say it nicely, but the point is-you have to say it.

*Being a “pleaser. ”

Being assertive in order to become soft and strong is challenging. It's difficult when you want connection and acceptance. You are afraid to tell people what is okay with you and what is not. You worry they will go away. It feels like being a “pleaser” instead of being assertive fis easier. However, the harmony you accomplish is short term. It doesn’t last because when you continually sacrifice your needs to accommodate others, you will never be happy.

I have a client who lived with tremendous stress in her job. It was making her ill. She described how unkind her former husband was to her. She talked about the cruelty of her current boss. As we looked at her other past relationships, they began to sound alike. She was confused. She tried to be everything she thought the people around her wanted. She couldn’t understand why they mistreated her. The problem was, people treated her the way she treated herself—with little regard.

She sought acceptance, but she first needed to look within and heal what was unacceptable in her. She sacrificed authentic connections by trying to please others. Blaming our partner is a common response to having boundaries crossed and needs unmet. This is the way we turn relationships into bitter battlefields.

When you become strong, and practice benign assertiveness, then you can allow yourself to be soft and feminine. You can step up, be accountable, and take responsibility for getting what you want, including happiness.

It is a sobering and exhilarating thought that you can have everything you want—and eliminate everything you don’t want—when you are soft and strong. So don't be afraid to step up and declare yourself a strong woman!

Visit or for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article. )


Article Source:

Rate this Article: 
Men's Celtic Jewelry - A Strong, Stylish Choice
Rated 4 / 5
based on 5 votes

Related Articles:

Strong Women Scare Weak Men

by: Raymond Burton (April 06, 2007) 
(Health and Fitness)

10 Things Men Do on a First Date That Turn Women Off

by: Greg Michaels (July 23, 2008) 

Women Love Their Men With Big and Strong Muscles This will Help You Build ..

by: Dave Vower (July 06, 2008) 
(Health and Fitness/Build Muscle)

Breasts Implants Are a Turn Off For Most Men and Wont Get Women a Longterm ..

by: P Hershon (July 05, 2008) 
(Womens Interests/Cosmetic Surgery)

Strong Women, Strong Fathers - Lara Croft, Jessie Fremont, Condoleezza Rice

by: Ali Frederick (September 09, 2008) 
(Womens Interests)

Difference Between Men Who Attract Women and Men Who Have No Luck With Women

by: Teddy Shabba (July 11, 2006) 

Men Who Are Successful With Women Either Know How To Seduce Women, Attract ..

by: Teddy Shabba (August 25, 2006) 

Understanding How Women Attract Men Gives Men Power

by: Jasmine Markova (March 23, 2008) 
(Self Improvement/Attraction)

Men And Relationships - Women Need To Know About The Likes And Dislikes Of Men

by: Erica J Miles (February 07, 2008) 

Men's Celtic Jewelry - A Strong, Stylish Choice

by: Leigh Maher (August 20, 2008) 
(Shopping and Product Reviews/Jewelry Diamonds)