Relationships operate under the same universal sky as everything else on earth. A fish swims because of the same laws that make relationships grow. A bird flies by the same rules that cause the sun to come up and make your taste buds savor fruits.
One of the rules of the game of life, a Universal Law of Nature, is the Law of Balance.
Balance. I guess for most people who are reading this, balance is so obvious that it is a bit of an anti climax. That is, until we start applying it to the real world. Like this.
Did you feel your ego, your mind, kicking and screaming? Your ego feeds on the opposite information; there is one side without the other, peace without war, etc, from this you can see that the most emotional person is the most egoistic. Emotional extremes, like elation and depression, come from the most unbalanced way of thinking.
When the ego gets confronted by balanced information in work or in relationship, it takes it personally and often attacks the messenger. They attack to try to sustain the imbalance.
However, the contradiction of this one Law of Balance is much suffering, disease, and emotional stress. For example, a person who is obsessed with uppers, breeds downers, and gets a shock because they don’t know the rules of the game. They are inventing their own rules, not Natures rules. A person who wants only highs is not aware of the rules of the game and breeds lows, even if they don’t want them, they are playing by imaginary rules. Nature seeks balance, in love, in business, in cells, in war. Love to nature is the balance between support and challenge.
Lets move this a little deeper into the reality of everyday life and see how your mind and ego react. Here are a few balanced situations. Some of them might really push your button. On the moon they may not, but here, in the midst, they do. That is a recognition of your consciousness. If you are attracted to something, it is because you see more good than bad in it. Right? And if you are repelled from something it is because you see more bad than good in it. Right? So these two situations that something is running your life. Pulling you in or pushing you away. That is what people call independence, but that idea is ridiculous. They run toward the hot area, and they run away from the cold area. That is not independence, that is dependence.
Independence is when you are acting and you are acting on inspiration. It doesn’t make any difference if it is attracting you or repelling you, that is not the basis of your life. In the laws of nature, we know there are two sides to everything. Only infatuation is blind to that. So independence comes from ambivalence. When you are equally attracted to something and repelled from it, then you have power, you are master of the situation because then you are independent. That independence is not isolation. It is participation. You can participate in it, but are not seeking approval or seeking to reject. That is called consciousness. Conscious means ambivalence, Unconscious means attracted or repelled.
The more you see balance in, the more conscious you are, so the bigger problems you get to keep your ego engaged in life. So lets challenge our consciousness a bit more. Lets apply this simple law of balance to more worldly events and see where your ego kicks in and begins to justify right and wrong.
Lets wade in a little deeper – down to the deep end of the holy icons of western beliefs. Again, nobody is beyond emotional reaction, you just need to keep raising the bar until you hit their hot button. So an unemotional person is not unemotional at all; they are just not provoked by the issues that you are dishing up to them.
One friend of mine used to get so upset about things. I was always in shock at how little her issues were and how they didn’t bother me. Then one day, my book publisher changed a chapter heading in my book just before it was published. My friend thought it was funny, while I took 2 hours to settle my emotion. We are really all the same, we just operate in different levels and on different issues. Try these:
Always working on seeing the balance in things will both grow your consciousness in life and free up more energy for love. Balanced thinking is the softened ego. It creates the most relaxed state of the body and the most inspired state of the mind. Finding the balance in issues, the two sides to things, is simple. Reality, it is totally simple. It seems complex only because of resistance; otherwise it is simple. Once you know it and experience it, it becomes simple. Balanced thinking is simple, but it is not always going to be simple for you. Your mind will create difficulty.
There is a naturally beautiful, balanced perspective within you already; it just has to get past your ego. Your ego, with its imbalanced perspective is trying to achieve things that defy the Universal Laws of Nature. Your ego motivates you, gives you hopes and dreams, and in doing so causes all your suffering. It promises a one sided result, pleasure without pain. No matter how many self improvement workshops you attend, how many millions of dollars you make or how many backbends you achieve in your yoga class, none of this makes any long term difference to how you feel about yourself or your life if your ego is looking for pleasure without pain It will always bring disappointment, defying the laws of nature is a crazy pursuit.
Seeking the balance softens our ego,
not by changing what we think,
but by changing how we think.
It is this balance of nature
that we deeply recognise
when we sit in nature.
It is a subconscious
connecting with something profound,
an inspiration that comes from within.
Then, with this experience,
and the knowledge of balance,
we can carry this perspective into our lives
and hold it so devotedly we become unshakable.
Unafraid to fall in love
Nothing to fear.
Nothing to trust.
We become the love we dream.
With balance as your perspective on life, you cannot not be controlled by those old stories of he did this and she did that. Even advertising, religion, self-opinion, the media, guru’s, faiths, and philosophies lose their power. They would spontaneously become powerless because you would simply ask, “Where’s the balance?"
One of the funniest exercises I love to do is ask someone to write down all the things they love about their partner. The list can be lengthy. Then I ask them to write the balance of those things. In other words if they wrote their kindness, list next to it, the opposite, meanness.
Then I ask them about someone in their past that they don’t like (a old story about Dad, or Mum, a girlfriend or boyfriend), and we write down all the things they disliked in that person. Now we compare, and shock horror, nearly 99% of those things they wrote on the disliked in the past list are the exact opposite to the “like in my current partner". So they are actually running away from the past, right into the arms of infatuation. If they said kindness for their partner, and cruel was the opposite, then they are hunting for a non cruel person. After 6 to 12 months they will either have to leave, or nag about the cruel attitude of their current partner. We all have every trait.
Emotion comes from this. The person has this idea that their partner does not have all those negative hated qualities of their past anger. But they infatuate all the opposite qualities. So, their partner, who by the laws of the Universe is a perfectly symmetrical, balanced, two-sided human, has all the hate qualities that person would never dream of marrying, as well as the good news.
The more they condemn the hates qualities, as they challenge their partner to get rid of their cruelty, guess what happens? Yes, because of the balance, the kindness has to go too. And after a year of nagging, complaining, and everybody trying to change each other into half people, the hated qualities start surfacing and the infatuation (or honeymoon period) is over.
This is such an indication of how much hardness we have drilled into those imbalanced heady emotions. In the extreme, it is called depression, cancer, and every other mental and physical health issue people face. It’s all about one word, the word the ego hates. As a cross to a vampire, as a hook to a fish, as a cake is to a fat man, and a beer to an alcoholic, balance is to the ego.
Here’s the cause of domestic violence, defiance of what is most natural. Say it again, Nature seeks a balance in everything.
I am thinking of you, wondering
feeling love for you
fantasising about you
But never doubting
that beautiful feelings
Toward a beautiful soul
can be wrong.
My expectations can be wrong
but to love someone
like I love you
and hold deep trust for that love.
Is the greatest and most precious truth
A man could have.
If I needed something
that might be wrong.
If I wanted something
that might be corrupted
to hope for something
maybe that would pollute
what I am feeling.
But to love?
That is why I even breathe
I breathe you into my heart
Again, and again, and again
I simply breathe love for you.
The difference between the ego perspective and a balanced, loving perspective.
Ego Perspective VERSUS Loving Perspective
Wanting something to happen VERSUS Grateful for how it is
A better or a worse comparison VERSUS Two sides to everything
The process less important that the result VERSUS The process more important than result
Emotion VERSUS No emotional reaction
Positive or negative thinking VERSUS Positive and Negative thinking
My way or the highway VERSUS Diversity – many roads possible
Conditional VERSUS Unconditional
Elation is the aim (all upside) VERSUS Not distracted by delusion
Seek pleasure avoid pain VERSUS Purpose
Follow my heart VERSUS Inspired
Religious – good or evil Balance – VERSUS Good and Evil
Health or Disease VERSUS Health and Disease
Material world VERSUS Material meets Spiritual world
Always wanting more VERSUS Contentment
Greed and ambition VERSUS Love
Sexuality, attraction, romance VERSUS Devotion
Peace VERSUS War and peace
Wants change VERSUS Nothing to change
Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris’s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au