Each day count your blessings to be alive and able to love. Although emotion may suggest that life is not always fair, never allow the pains, hurdles, and disappointments of the moment to overwhelm your loving attitude and plans for yourself and your beloved. What you don’t appreciate, depreciates. You can never win when you wear the resentful mask of self-pity, and the bitter taste of accusation. They will certainly frighten away any opportunity for love. Never again hold a critical thought for yourself or your beloved. There is a better way.
Understanding your lover, frees you to build more love with them. Trying to change them, destroys it. Sometimes our expectations are false, and that makes it impossible to be happy. If our expectations are real, then usually we find that people behave according to certain patterns, and those patterns belong to their constitution. Many quarrels occur between lovers because we fail to understand each others differences. Tolerance is important in this. What makes tolerance all the more easy is the skill of predicting exactly how a certain “type” of person will act and react.
What is fascinating is that we fall in love with what is unique about a person, and then spend the rest of the time in relationship trying to change them to be someone else. It’s because what makes them unique is also what causes all their problems.
The ancients knew that to define a person by what they think, was to play into the hands of the human Ego, so they focused their understanding of human character on the different constitution of each body type. The result is Yoga and its sister science of health, Ayurveda.
D came to me about his relationship. “I have done everything she asked, I gave up golf, I look after the kids, I give her back rubs, I don’t watch footy, I am now a vegetarian, I listen to her spiritual music. Everything she asked, I did. I even closed my office early every day to pick up our daughter from school so my wife could work late in her own business. I did everything, and last week she left me because my income is lousy. She told me that she couldn’t hope to meet a more giving man, but she needed more”.
I asked D a question based on the fifth law of nature, “What do you think she was attracted to when you first met her, why did she marry you in the first place?”
D replied, “She wanted children, I wanted children. She wanted to build wealth, I wanted to build wealth. She wanted me to succeed in my clinic, I wanted her to succeed in her clinic. I guess you could say we had dreams to share and that’s what we loved about each other, we shared dreams and wanted to help each other fulfill them. ”
Then I asked “So why did she leave?”
D replied, “Well my dreams didn’t happen, my business was struggling all the time, but that had a lot to do with the fact that she needed help and I gave up 3 hours a day in my clinic to help her. ”
“So what you are saying, D, is that she lost faith in your dreams”
D replied “Yes, I guess so. But her success in her business was because I gave up on some of mine. Isn’t that what relationships are about, give and take?”
“I don’t know D, but why did she leave?”
“I told you, because she lost faith in my dreams. I did everything to please her, and still she wasn’t happy. ”
I returned to the laws of Nature. “D. there’s a law, and it is universal, It says ‘Nobody can do to you more than you do to yourself’. So if your wife lost heart toward your dream, then that can only tell me that you did too. ” D replied “Yes, but I wanted the relationship to work. ”
I shared more “Did you know that when one person loses their dream, their vision for the future, they always turn their focus in on the relationship and begin to make the relationship the purpose of their life? Can you imagine a tree, whose purpose is to grow skyward, but it changes its mind and starts making its purpose helping another tree to grow. What do you think would happen?”
D replied “I know from what you told me before, the Nature destroys anything that does not fulfill its purpose. ”
“So why would nature destroy your relationship?”
D had tears in his eyes “To get me back on purpose?”
I asked “And what is that?”
D replied “I don’t know. I had a dream when we met, but really all I wanted was a family. I think my dream was BS, all I wanted was a home and a baby and a wife. ”
I asked “And was that what she thought when she agreed to marry you?”
He replied “No, she wanted a man just like her Dad, a wealthy successful immigrant who worked night and day to make a fortune. She wanted an ambitious man and I think I became that so she would love me and marry me. Now I think about it, I never really wanted all that stuff, but I went to the seminars she invited me to, and wrote these purpose statements about changing the world. All I really wanted, and ever dreamed about, was a simple home, a beautiful wife, a baby and an income from my teaching that could keep us comfortable. All the rest, I did for her. ”
I said to him “So really, where you ended up is truth, and what she wanted was something different. And out of love for her, you tried to change, but who you are is who you are, right? So now we need to work out how you can have your dream, let her go to find hers, without feeling like something is missing, right?”
D replied, “I love my baby girl and my ex and I have agreed that I can look after her during the weeks while she works. You are right Chris, I do have what I want and if I value that, my dreams have all come true. ”
Loving your partner for who they are - rather than for who they could be….
P came to me so frustrated. He said, “I am in this relationship with a beautiful woman, and I love her dearly. But, she has an ex-husband who won’t let go, a father who abuses her, a mother who keeps dropping in to stay, friends who are …… and ……”
I asked, “So what is it that you love about her?”
He replied, “I love everything about her, if only she could clear away all this stuff, we’d be so happy. ”
I responded “But all this stuff is who she is. ”
He got angry “No it’s not, it’s other people interfering. ”
“No”, I suggested, “She is no victim, these are her choices and that’s who she is. ”
P replied, “But she could be so much more. ”
“Maybe”, I said, “But that is not who she is. She is who she is and you have no right to change that. Maybe you need to learn to love that in her, rather than project your ideals and expectations onto her. Maybe it’s you who need to grow your love to include those things, and you can’t. ”
P replied “It’s too late, I already hurt her. ”
I said in closing, “ It’s never too late to grow. Maybe the relationship is over, but you can still learn and grow, and therefore be thankful for her and her ex etc” This is the second law of nature – maximum growth occurs at the border of chaos and order.
The five elements are Ether, Air, Fire, Water and Earth. We all have these five elements within us and the proportions of each one, vary from person to person. Those proportions never change, from the moment of birth to death. No matter how much, or how little we eat or exercise, read or don’t read, the proportions never change. This is called you Elemental Constitution.
I will summarise these body types here for you, but in Innerwealth Book 4, this is explained in great detail and includes a self analysis for you to determine your Element.
Do you know me? I am Earth. I love the home we build and the safety. I love the security and the trust we share. I am strong yet, fragile. Controlling, you might think, but I act to make your world safe, and in doing so, believe my eyes to be wisest. I wrap my arms around you because I love you, but really I want your tenderness, your fun and lightness. It is this that makes all my heaviness vanish and my lights come alive. I am the earth, reality is my level. I hold fast to all that is tangible and I am lost like a child in all that is not. I am bricks and mortar, I am money in the hand. I am security and trust. I know little of the vague ideals of romantic notions of God, but find peace in your arms. I need you and love you in my own special way.
Do you know me? I am Water. I love the embraces, the swooning of your touch. If there were no tomorrow it would not matter to me. Your arms are the death and birth of my life. You take me from my ever present worry about the world and it’s children. To me, Love is easy to give, I give love as care, I nurture and smile. I am the infinite healer who can give and give. No tiredness. But your Love replenishes me, you sexualise me and bring these treasures that are mine into a whole new level. I can worship no God to whom I cannot speak. I need to know that God has compassion and can help me make the world more caring. I believe in the possibility of goodness and therefore I see it in you. I need you and love you in my own special way.
Do you know me? I am Fire. I love to be the best, win every test. I am insatiable yet not inexhaustible. I a fired on moment and dead the next. My Love is expressed in my action. I cannot trust the mind, or poetry of your expression. I need to feel and touch to know. More devotion you will never know, more rejection you will also know in one day summit to ocean floor. It never stops, my love demands no rest until I break. I am change. I am the critic who sees the half empty cup yet may choose to be silent in order to woo you. I am temptation and lust, unsustainable without your stroking, and those of others through work or play. I am the tiger, in a cage, I am dead. I cannot hand my power to an infinite source, I need to know how it works. Give me the Laws of Creation, but not a creator of judgmental mind. Your love is my God, your judgments my religion, I try to stop them, but you should never stop being the magnificent truth of you. I need you and love you in my own special way.
Do you know me? I am Air. I love the universe, it is thought, it is my domain. I am the prince and the princess of thought. I am creative, inventive and insatiable. Nothing can quench my hunger for you. Only my mind can confuse my love. I am hot and alive and I thrive on your beauty and our dance. I can dance forever, in my heart, but my body is frail and can leave me needing your arms to hold me. I need your steadiness to embrace me, I need your warm and loving solidness. No fire will nurture me, only excite me, your moisture your earth make my universe possible. I can fly, anywhere I choose in my mind, my Love for you is eternal, if only my body would survive. Hold me close but never lock my wings. My mind would die if it couldn’t invent. My world is your world, I easily follow, and suffer the fall. This child - inside us all, this is me. I need you and love you in my own special way.
Do you know me? I am Ether. I love myself, and through it I love God. I come from other worlds beyond yours and so my love for you is measured in me. I do not understand you, yet I think I do. I do not see how wonderful I am because I think I can be like you. I am born in my last incarnation. I am tested in living on this earth by having to go back and relearn my humanity. I tried to hand you my power, for support, it looks normal, everyone does. But I couldn’t breathe. You reach out for me and I am here, yet, I cannot feed you in return. I do not have that in me. I am the King or Queen, alone yet surrounded. If I could float in my paradise I would and yet, my responsibility to you, is like the anchor to a kite, tied through my love to your hand. If you release me, I am afraid I will never find home. If you hold on, in the light winds of the day, I may fall from my sky and never, ever fly again. My love is unfathomable in it’s magnificence, it is however, tortured. You will never know what magnitude of Love is possible with me, your earthly life distracts you. And so, I turn to the Spirits for help. My angels and my Gods. Hold me, do not let my anchor loose, I will fight you like a viper, demanding my freedom, but in truth, if you do let go, my husband or wife, I might never know earth again. I might birth a child or sire one, it is not for me, I do it to hold onto you. Never let go. I need you and love you in my own special way.
We are all these things. Dancing within us are all these elements. Some have stronger presence in us than others. This is our Core Element. But no person is just one. Such is impossible in this entire universe of stars. In the ebb and flow of life, we swing between these elements with apparently no reason, but there is order in that chaos, a predicable and completely understandable pattern of demand. Which one of our elements we are living today is a condition of life and I wish to share it.
Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris’s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au