"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. " ~ Ogden Nash.
Alex is very aware of the importance of remembering Mother’s Day and my birthday. Sometimes he bears on paranoia, I think. Perhaps he is afraid of disappointing me, as the good son that he is. Now, everybody else’s birthday, including his father’s and his two siblings, he totally forgets.
I swear I never really cared if he forgot these dates. I had enough practice with being ignored on my most favorite dates, because, in reality, only a couple of my partners remembered them, and surprisingly, set aside time for their celebration. It seems that men are built with a sense of the importance to remember dates, though they also come with a faulty program: they never do remember them.
It seems that men also suffer from their own forgetfulness. I remember when I first got together with Alex’s father; I sent a card “in both our names" to his father, on his birthday. The father called him saying: “Thank Maria for your remembering my birthday. "
What to do? Celebrating our anniversary, birthdays, Mother’s Day, are so very important to us, and yet, we seem destined to pass them by, if we depend on men to remember them. We need to realize that what make life interesting are our differences, and so, forgive those who are not attuned to the same things as we are.
That means that we must not demand that our spouses remember the important dates in our lives. They are not bad people because of that. Let go of that; there are so many other things that they are so good at.
A Word of Advice Ladies: Some days before your birthday, anniversary, and any other dates that are important to you, start reminding your men that they are approaching. Don’t hint, as they don’t understand hints. Be clear in your message and precise in what your expectations are. I would recommend not to be too hung up on presents, as remembering is already a huge task. Also, let’s be a dear and remind them of their mother’s birthdays. They will be eternally grateful to you.
Gents: Pay attention to the messages you are sent regarding the celebration of important dates. Mark you calendar, especially your business calendar, and make a plan: a week before make reservations for dinner; the day before, on your lunch break, buy a card and a gift; on the day, remember to greet her as soon as you are up ((post a note close to your toothbrush or your alarm clock) and -you will receive a prize for this- buy flowers and give them before you get home or on your way to the restaurant. You will become her hero.
© Maria Moratto 2006
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Dr. Maria Moratto is the author of “The Inspired Healing For Your Body, Mind, and Soul, " “The Inspired Healing Journal: Mending Your Broken Heart, " and “Attract Money Journal. " Visit her site to get fr*ee affirmation cards.
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