Signs Your Date Is Married

Scot McKay

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You know if you wrecked the truck on purpose because you needed the insurance money to make the next payment, you might be a redneck. At least that's what Jeff Foxworthy says.

And if your date is up to any of the following, s/he just might be married.

1) If his or her picture isn't online, but he or she has plenty to send you…he or she might be married.

Yeah, well…maybe he or she is embarrassed to be seen online by coworkers, etc. With online dating becoming more and more mainstream, that excuse is going to be less and less useful.

2) If he or she always has an excuse for not having you over the house…he or she might be married.

Especially guys. If a man does not want women over to his house, it can only mean one of two things: a) He's married, or… b) …he's homeless (or at least close).

Now here's the other side of the coin. Checking out someone's place is an excellent way to get this whole issued resolved. Unless s/he's an independently wealthy one with ‘crash pads’ other than the primary residence, you'll be able to tell PDQ that dude/dudette is single.

3) If he or she can only see you at weird hours…he or she might be married.

Are you being penciled in for a lot of weekday breakfasts or lunches? A “quick dinner" that ends by 7.30? Saturday afternoon from 1-2.30? OK…you can wake up now.

Bear in mind this point stands only when a blanket statement. If there are weird times in addition to blocks of time during weekends and evenings, that's probably a good sign.

4) If he or she can only see you for a short while at a time…he or she might be married.

This goes right along with the previous point. If someone likes you, s/he wants to hang around for more than an hour at a time…at least sometimes. Again, some short visits are a good sign…if there are also blocks of time being spent together. 5) If he or she live in a major metro area but are flying around the country/world to meet you…he or she might be married.

This is a good one. A lot of people think that meeting someone online from far away and doing the LDR (i. e. “long distance relationship") is so romantic. My simple question to you is this: If s/he's such an incredible gem of a “hottie", why does this person need to meet people hundreds or thousands of miles away when he or she lives in oh, say, Chicago? I'm thinking that in a metro area of 10m people (or 250K people, for that matter), there's someone local to date. Granted, God may have put your soulmate far away from you to teach you both discipline, dedication, patience, etc. But through the fog of infatuation, at least consider how virtually foolproof it is for someone who is married to set up trysts in far away places.

Be especially wary when someone from far away has existing business concerns in your city, or could logically. For example, if dude works for a supplier to AT&T out of Oakland, CA, he's probably coming to San Antonio at some point anyway. It's way too easy to get away with this for a married person. Even if someone is coming in for the weekend, find out if s/he has some hobby or interest that would have earned a “kitchen pass" with the spouse.

Do the research. Add it up. Go with your gut on this.

BTW, look for the ins and outs of flying somewhere to meet an online friend in a future article.

6) If you can't get a home phone number out of them…he or she might be married.

With so many people cutting off the landlines in favor of going mobile only these days, this is far from foolproof. But if seen in combo with other factors, take it into consideration.

7) If you've seen them driving two different vehicles…he or she might be married.

Example: Guy shows up to your first date with an ‘03 Chevy Silverado pickup. Second date, he's driving an ‘01 Honda Odyssey minivan. This is not a good sign. Sorry, troops…single people just don't tend to own both a pickup truck and a minivan. Or two different Honda Accords. You get my drift. If you call the guy in our example out on this and he says something to the effect of, “Oh, that's a rental. The truck's in the shop" take into consideration that a) Rentals are usually less than two model years old, … b) are invariably free of visible damage (even “used" car rentals don't have smashed fenders, … c) almost always have the rental company's logo/barcodes on them somewhere. , and… d) rentals from dealers/repair shops are typically small econo-boxes or (at best) equivalent to what the customer is driving. The rental excuse will either hold water, or it won't.

Note, however, that if a guy in particular has two dissimilar vehicles it's not necessarily a bad sign. Lot's of guys do. For example, if he has a pickup truck one day and a Porsche the next, that's not what we are talking about here. Oh…and more single guys have “family" type cars/minivans than you think. That alone isn't a biggee.

8) If he or she has tan lines on his or her left ring finger…he or she might be married.

Yep, this is the classic stereotype. It's obvious, but it still deserves mention. People still try to get away with this.

9) If he or she is “legally separated"…he or she might be married.

Scratch “might be"…he or she is married. This scenario deserves careful research and lots of questions. Also, be advised that in some states (e. g. here in TX) there isn't even such a thing as “legal separation". Being involved with someone who is “separated" may mean the spouse (and that's what that other person is, frankly) may not exactly feel the same way or be on the same page as your date. Proceed with caution-after all, there's already an admission going on here that s/he's married! Guys, this is a good way to get shot at. Think about it.

10) If the divorce “is going to be final any day now"…he or she might be married.

This goes hand-in-hand with the point above…maybe literally. You have an admission from your date that s/he is married, so almost any excuse goes, doesn't it? For what it's worth, I really hope that if you are intelligent enough to read English you would never be willing to believe that your date is going to “get around to leaving" his or her spouse sometime “soon". Please.

11) If he or she just moved here from somewhere else…he or she might be married.

Sure people move all the time, but if there really wasn't anything to move TO in your city for your date (e. g. job, family ties, etc. ) then you should find out what s/he is moving FROM. Caveat emptor…the breakup might not be final back at home.

12) If he or she has to leave when the cell phone rings…he or she might be married.

Oh yeah. Gotta keep the spouse informed…and in this case your date is going to have to lie to everyone at once about it, so that conversation can't happen in front of you. Logical, isn't it? This isn't foolproof, however, especially if your date is on-call for work a lot and deals with potentially sensitive info (e. g. doctor, lawyer, law-enforcement). You make the “call" on this one.

So there's a dozen for you. If you have more signs-or great stories-send them to me.

Scot McKay is a dating coach in San Antonio, TX and the founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. This article is an excerpt from his book “Deserve What You Want". Learn more it at “ ". SIgn up for Scot's newsletter on dating and relationships and receive a FREE GIFT.


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