Information for the Bride
You’re in the last month before the wedding. What seemed fairly simple in the beginning has now morphed into what looks like an insurrmountable, out-of-control list of things to do. You thought you were organized and now it seems there are a million details still to be conquered, accomplished, put in order. (Emphasis here is on the word “seems. " Remember this. ) From your point of view it may seem that:
- No one is helping
- No one understands
- There’s too much to do
- It costs too much
- There’s not enough time
- And: Where is HE and why isn’t he helping more?
This may move into:
- Maybe this is a mistake
- Maybe I should call the whole thing off
- Maybe I just thought I loved him
Information For the Groom
Things were going pretty well. You nodded your approval at which invitations she picked out, made a list of friends and family you wanted to invite and even addressed a few. You went with her to choose the venue, select a minister, pick a D. J. or live muisic, taste cake and look at flowers. You were fitted for the tux and shoes and you’ve planned the honeymoon. Now you just need to know when and where to show up. In the meantime you can sit back, watch the game and leave the details to the women.
You begin to notice, however, that your beautiful bride-to-be is getting bossier and more short-tempered every day. She doesn’t say much but her mood seems to be getting darker and she looks at you like you’re from another planet. And you begin to wonder:
What’s the problem here?
- Is this who she really is?
- Is this what it will be like after we’re married?
- This thing is getting way out of hand.
And this begins to deteriorate into:
- This is not what I bargained for.
- Maybe I’m not ready to get married.
- Maybe she’s not the right one for me.
This is a time of tremendous stress for each of you. Your whole life is about to change and somewhere inside you, regardless of how much you love each other and how long you’ve been together, an alarm goes off. Change of this magnitude often creates fear and fear causes all kinds of disruption. Every tiny detail is magnified. Emotions are running like a raging river and cannot (seemingly) be contained.
So what do you do?
If you’ve been together for a number of years, you know how the other functions, and you know you love them and have made a commitment to become partners in every sense of the word. When you had a clear mind, you knew this is what you wanted. If this is not the case, then take a serious look about what you’re doing so there is not an impasse on wedding day when one of you chooses not to show up.
You know you want to continue and so:
Bride - talk to the love of your life. Tell him how you feel. Make it clear what you need him to do. He is not unwilling (generally). He just doesn’t know how to help and thinks the best thing to do is just stay out of the way. Tell him you love him and need him. Tell him what you want and need. He doesn’t intuit this. You have to tell him.
Groom - listen to her without judgment and without barking orders. Ask her how you can help. Ask her for specific instructions on how she wants it done and what the deadline is. If you do this, you may find that she relaxes and realizes that, actually, there isn’t that much for you do to do. The most important thing for you to do is
- Stay calm
- Reassure her that you love her more than anything and that
- all you want is to be married to her.
If every tiny detail isn’t perfect, your wedding will still be wonderful because it’s about how much you love each other and not about the tiny details.
It’s about you. Your guests will notice the love, not the color of the napkins. The guests will notice the radiance and be pleased that the flowers are nice and the music good.
Your guests will notice the look in your eyes when you see each other and really won’t care if the bridesmaids didn’t have matching shoes or perfect hairdos.
Take some time to be with each other. Just the two of you. DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE WEDDING OR WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE DURING THIS TIME. Talk about anything else. Talk about how much you love each other and how special the other is. As they say in sports, “Keep your eyes on the prize. " Soon it will all be over and you can settle into building a wonderful marriage.
Irene Conlan has a masters degree in nursing, a doctoral degree in metaphysics, is a certified hypnotherapist and an ordained minister. She practices holistic hypnotherapy and officiates at weddings in Scottsdale, Az and the Phoenix metropolitan area.
Irene can be found at: