There is a big difference between pain and suffering. Pain is when you cut your hand. You don’t worry about your hand if you know it will get better. Suffering is when you’re not sure that your hand will heal, and you worry about what is going to happen. In relationship, pain comes and goes, and this is normal. Suffering in relationship comes when you hold back love because you are worried about whether your relationship will survive the pain.
To be in sacred love, you will need to know how to heal pain, and prevent the suffering that takes place from holding onto the past. Resentment won’t do. It just builds and builds. Think of unfinished emotional business as tiny cracks in a giant wall. One by one adding up, causing suffering. Every piece of compromise, every emotional expectation, every judgement and criticism you pass to your lover, is a nail in the coffin of love.
Pain in relationship cannot continue for long unless you are holding back love. This can be confusing because how can you love someone who hurt you, broke your trust? But you need to see these as two separate things. One is love the other is your ego, protecting you by blaming and judging, and therefore blocking the love. This is the greatest pain of all. When you stop letting the love for somebody out, you hurt yourself. If you stop admitting that you love somebody, then you “break your own heart". Because your heart only knows one thing, it knows how to love. It doesn’t know how not to love.
So, when you block your love for somebody, you block it to yourself, your next partner, and your next, and your next and so on, until you change. You block it for your whole life, especially if it is a parent to whom you block your love. Now this is of vital importance if you are truly wanting to fall in love again. The person who is holding back love for one person in the past by being right, or blaming them, or judging them, cannot fully release that love to another, because they are afraid of that suffering. So they remain broken hearted, but try to get on with their lives. This just doesn’t work.
The key to healing is to love more. Pain is emotional blockage that stops love. But there is no need to stop loving someone, just because they are not with you. If they hurt you, lied to you, or cheated on you, then you can be really truthful and admit, “No more than I did to myself". All that aside, just because somebody doesn’t do what you thought they were going to do, it is not a signal to stop loving them. Just a signal to love them more.
The more you love something, or someone, the less you are attached to them. If you emotionalise, then you are attached and can’t survive without them. Or you can be so angry that you can’t feel how much you love them. However, if this happens you go back out into the world bitter, and people smell your bitterness. Then, the only relationships you can have are bitter ones. So it is better to love the past, admire their gifts and their beauty, and simply say, “That past relationship failed because I wasn’t ready to love that person enough. I drew the line at something". Wish them happiness. That means you aren’t responsible for their happiness. You wish them love and happiness. Then you are not in the loop anymore. You simply do all you can, as a citizen of the earth, to make another human being’s life good. You don’t take credit and don’t take blame. Just love. Simply love them more and know that you have every trait you are condemning in them. So if you can admire them, you are admiring you, this is especially healthy.
Chris Walker http://www.chriswalker.com.au