In America, We Are Really Silly About Our Instant Gratification


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There is no lack of silliness in America. Many of us remember The Three Stooges: Larry, Moe and Curly, and their slapstick brand of humor.

The key to their silliness, according to Wikipedia (the free encyclopedia), “was that no matter how hard anyone was poked, slapped, punched or prodded, the pain immediately went away, and no one was ever really hurt by it. "

And so it is with so many Internet Marketing offers today. We are obsessed with instant gratification. We want everything now. Why wait? This is America.

"Somebody owes me a job and a fat paycheck, and success, because, well because, I was planted here. Just because I do not understand how the offer and opportunity could possibly work in reality, why won't it work? It says right here, it will work. Read it yourself. "

You can hear the refrain over and over: “Play it again, Slappy, I like that tune. " And the accommodating answer: “Don't mind if I do. " (Sorry, I could not resist using slappy, even though you will not find it even in a dictionary of slang, much less The New Oxford American Dictionary. )

Anxious, naïve newbies hang on every word of a sales page offering, hoping that this opportunity, among all of the other opportunities they have tried, will be the one that works.

I can still hear Curly saying (when it is all said and done, and on to another opportunity), “I'm a victim of soicumstance!" (circumstance, in Curly speak).

Do not despair, anxious, naïve newbies, there is no shortage of peddlers to take advantage of your misguided, good intentions.

I was reminded of this the other day when I came upon a sales page inviting me to join “The Golden Circle, " which said “Join Us Now And Collect Your $1,750,000" (pardon me for thinking this could be my lucky day!). I had been invited to join “one of the world's most rewarding financial associations. "

I would be told “how to collect $1,750,000 so we don't really need any fancy tricks" (naturally I was wondering how this could be). Simple answer: “Being open and straightforward in these matters we have to explain here that your money comes from a commission paid to you on sales made by other Golden Circle members. "

And what are we selling? Why, “thousands of copies of a certain Product from YOU over the Internet for $16 each. " (I guess the P in product makes it more important, and I love the word YOU, it is my next favorite word after my name. ) Gee, I wonder if the Product we will be selling will be what I am reading here?

No matter, as apparently the “information-based product which you are ‘selling’ will be produced and distributed to your clients automatically FOR YOU by the Golden Circle Server – Computer. So you don't need to know how to do this – or indeed anything technical about computers at all. It is all done automatically: You need to do NOTHING. " (Man, this is great, I do nothing and get $1,750,000. )

Well, not exactly, I do need to pony up $16 to “buy ONE product from ONE of our members for $16. That is all" (the author's italics, not mine). And, of course, there is a “Full Money Back Guarantee. "

And get this: “After you make your single $16 purchase from another Member, YOU can first receive $7,000 Front Money and then move immediately to the Team Leader Position to receive your $1,750,000" (the author of this sales pitch does not mention if the $7,000 will be received during my liftetime).

It made me wonder what would happen if the creator of this opportunity were hauled into court and forced to exhibit even one example of a newbie's $16 investment generating a $1,750,000 payout.

Does the expression from the sublime to the ridiculous ring a bell? As in the sublime (of such excellence, grandeur, or beauty as to inspire great admiration or awe-kind of like guru worship) to the ridiculous (as in deserving or inviting derision or mockery).

You may or may not be interested to know that the first FREE (there is that pesky word again) report you receive in this “open and straightforward" explanation (their words, not mine) is titled “How You Can Avoid The Wage Slave Trap, " (please do not laugh, I am being accurate here).

Who says you need to go school to get an education? Surfing the Internet may prove more valuable than nailing your MBA degree (Master of Business Administration).

Mark Twain said “I never let schooling interfere with my education. " Somehow, it is so much easier to like Mark Twain than the author of this Golden Circle opportunity advertisement (and more sensible too, I might add).

Copyright © 2006 Ed Bagley

Ed Bagley is the author of Ed Bagley's Blog, which he publishes daily with fresh, original writing intended to delight, inform, educate and motivate readers. Visit Ed at . . .


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