So you want to be a mum? Every time you see a little baby in a mother’s arms you desire it even more. I am going to ask some hard questions here for those who want to be mums: Why do you want to be a mum? Is it because it will be fun? Is it because you can show your motherhood to others? Is it because you want to keep your partner?
Is it because of your loneliness? Is it because you are curious? Is it because you can get so many benefits in this country? Is it because you want to leave your surname going after you die? If you had to go on an interview in order to be authorised to be a mother, do you think you’d pass?
Motherhood is a full-time job with long hours and overtime. It is not a task for just anyone, and I could even go on to say that it is one of the most important jobs there is in the whole world. You are bringing another human being to life - can you feel the weight? And if that’s not heavy enough, consider that you’ll be making yourself responsible for him for the rest of your life.
Whoever he becomes, he’ll still be your son. Whatever she does, she’ll still be your daughter, and that is a very heavy weight to carry! You will be directly responsible for teaching your child everything that he needs to know in order to succeed. If you haven’t learned all that yourself yet, teaching your child is going to be extremely tricky!
You may think that since there are so many mums, it must be self-explanatory. But think again: how many mums actually succeed in raising their children the right way? How many succeed in bringing their children up to be the best they can be? If all mums thoughtfully considered their responsibilities, our society would definitely not be the way it is today. Instead, we have children killing other children, kids taking illegal drugs, teenagers getting pregnant, and the list goes on.
Some adults have a hard time finding their place in the world just because of the way they were brought up themselves. Now this should mean something!
Many women want to be mums, but can they really be good ones? You don’t have to go to college to qualify for the motherhood task. But somehow you must come to understand what you’re getting yourself into. You cannot bear your children and just let them be raised by TV, Internet, school, their friends, etc. Once you bring them into this world, it is up to you to take care of them.
If the reasons you’re having children are among those listed at the beginning of this article, then you’re having them for the wrong reasons and you (and most certainly your children!) will be greatly disappointed. You see, if you could not fulfil those needs on your own, how do you think a little child can fulfil them for you?
Isn’t it unfair to expect that your little baby will keep your partner at home? Or, that your baby will take your loneliness away or, make your life more fun? How can he possibly do that? If there’s one thing you should learn before becoming a mother, it is this: motherhood is about the children - not about you!
Cristiane Cardoso is a columnist at http://www.uckg.org/women and on the ‘Folha Universal’ national newspaper in Brazil, and also ‘Free Woman’ presenter on http://www.libertyradio.co.uk every Thursday 10pm Uk time.