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End Toxic Parenting

 


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"I know we've come along way
We're changin’ day to day
but where do the children play?"
Cat Stevens

Where do your children play, and why? Do they get to play in the clean fresh air, on the natural earth? If not, why not? We know that the surroundings in which we place the child shape's the child's developing personality. Do you place your child's development in the mold of concrete coated earth, zooming cars, dirty air, poison streams and putrid ponds, and then expect her to behave well, to demonstrate respect and consideration for life, her own and others?

Some children grow up in more toxic environments than others. Some live in dilapidated dwellings, in squalor, surrounded by angry, unhappy, uneducated characters that seem broken at their core. Some receive the finest the planet has to offer, but the spiritual nature of the human beings around them does not demonstrate care and consideration for others - just selfishness and greed. Some grow up in the finest natural environments and their parents really care about everyone, about the world, about every living creature, about every glorious star.

You really do have a choice about where your child plays. The choice begins with how you express yourself. The power of your loving adoration empowers your child to overcome all obstacles. The deeply loving energy you pour into your child's heart constitutes the spiritual beauty you give your child. There is no more beautiful expression of nature than the glimmering gaze of a mother's or father's loving eyes focused on the child.

When you relate lovingly with your child you provide your child with the finest natural and spiritual influence. Now, let's look at the environment you create for your child to play in. How often do you give your child expressions of anger, unhappiness, irritation, impatience, frustration, disappointment, disapproval when your child is “playing around" instead of performing a given task? For instance, let's say that your child jumps around making faces and monkey noises, pretending to be Curious George, when you tell him to put on his shoes because it's time to go to school. How do you deal with that instance of child's play? What environmental influence do you provide your child with in the hopes of improving your child's behavior?

Think about it. How much of your frustrated reactions arise in response to your child's play? Or think of it this way. What category of behavior does your child display that most frequently provokes your frustrated expressions of disapproval: work, rest or play? Obviously, play.

To an extent, then, you get to decide where your child plays. Your child can play in an environment of physical and spiritual ugliness or beauty. When you deal with your child's play in a loving way, you provide your child with the most powerfully beautiful environmental influence. When you deliver to your child angry, unhappy forms of your self-expression you envelope your child in the ugly environmental embrace.

When we use expressions of anger and disapproval to control our children at play, then, we ensconce the child in an ugly environment of a psychologically toxic nature that represses, or oppresses, the child's higher spiritual development, The simple solution that emerges here points to us improving how we relate with our children at play. We need to learn how to direct a child out of an unacceptable form or time of play in a way that provides the child with the beautiful, natural, spiritual context of our loving grace, a context that functions as a matrix for our fulfillment of her most splendid potential.

Think of yourself as central aspect of your child's environment. You can provide your child with the beauty of a Mozart symphony by speaking with a loving sound or adoration and admiration, or the violent cacophony of a car crash by complaining with the screech of clashing disdain. It's up to you. When you choose the latter, your attempt to improve your child's behavior by providing an influence that directs your child's personality development into more disturbing formation.

To improve our children's behavior, let's discipline ourselves to provide them with the most beautiful environmental influences possible. This means directing or redirecting them in a psychologically “green" nature, one free of psychological toxins like anger and other forms of emotional ugliness, to truly support rather than sabotages our real objective.

Let's make it your deepest intention to develop our ability to direct our children's behavior in a beautiful, loving way. We can begin by practicing being more aware of how we react to our child's form of play. When we dislike the antics our child engages in, let's focus on how we feel, on what we say and on what we do. Let us strive to remain anchored in our feeling of our adoration for our child. Let us strive to express more loving, tender compassion and appreciation and gratitude for our child, even while taking action to take control.

With practice, you will find that you can gradually develop your ability to direct and correct your child's behavior without breaking your deeply loving connection with your child. As you do this, you take charge of your child's environment. You improve where your child plays. As truly responsible parents, we need to be just as committed to saving our children from the psychologically toxic environment we place them in, as we are to saving them from the physically toxic environment adults have created out of the gift of glorious nature we were originally given.

Bob Lancer leads individuals, businesses, families, and associations to fulfill their greatest dreams. He does this through a wide variety of venues, including his WSB radio show, Bob Lancer's Parenting Solutions, a show that focuses as much on the raising of ourselves and of our society as on the raising of children. The show has been on the air since 1995 and broadcasts to 35 states over the radio, and worldwide over the internet.

He is the author of numerous books and he has created dozens of motivational recordings on his themes.

Bob Lancer transforms audiences through his dynamic keynotes and seminars on parenting, marriage, and personal and professional development at live events, including conferences around the nation and overseas. He has been leading his audiences to greater personal and professional success as a public speaker, seminar leader, consultant and author for over 20 years and his work has been featured on CNN and other network television stations, in national magazines and in major newspapers.

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