You must praise your children. You must put the feel-good factor into them. It increases their self esteem. But of course that does not mean that you will not admonish them when required. Along with praise where deserving, you must point out the unacceptable behavior to your children. Too much praise would tilt the scale towards a parenting style that is too permissive. While too much disciplining would tend to make you an authoritarian parent. Both has its negatives. It is best to be balanced.
The Authoritative Parenting Style
This is considered the best style out of the four basic styles of parenting and combines a drawing the line beyond which the child ought not to go, lest you dole out certain dire consequences. And at the same time, you as a parent want your child to grow up to be a mature independent individual capable of taking her own decisions. So, you permit certain independence to her, a democratic way of life prevails at home albeit within a boundary stated above of discipline.
Authoritative Parenting combines discipline with democracy. Praise your children when due and tighten the leash when warranted. Both are equally important.
However, praise is also used as a bargain hook by many individuals in an attempt to control one's kids, in this case. “If you do as I say, you would be praised, otherwise not". This syndrome is a manipulative attempt to control one's child. Praise is not, in this case, given whole-heartedly but only as a currency which the child needs to buy into. This is not a happy situation and must be avoided.
An Authoritative Parenting Style presupposes a certain purity on the parent's part. The parent must have the good of the child paramount in his heart. It is not his ego that the child needs to pacify in order to be branded a ‘good child’. The child's behavior ought to be observed solely as having a bearing to her future, of course not in the bargain abnegating the parent's status.
Neither the parent nor the child must try to manipulate the other to try to ensure their ‘social success’. Read this to know more about an ebook which precisely addresses this issue besides giving a huge lot of parenting tips that you couldn't do without.
So, to sum up, parenting can be very permissive when you shower praise on your child. But a happy child need not necessarily be very successful as the ‘flower children syndrome’ showed. Because conflict is an essential element of life. Conflict sharpens an individual forcing him to look for solutions to problems. And to think that the problems wouldn't have existed if there weren't any conflict of interest.
So, your children must be forced to do what may seem to them to be somewhat unpalatable like studies, polite behavior, diplomacy etc. But punctuate your disciplining with praising your children off and on because at the other extreme ‘all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’.
And here are some reviews of excellent ebooks written on this art of parenting
I am a concerned parent of two bright kids who pose constant challenges to my parenting skills. The effective skills can be developed, I found, in my continuing research on the subject from the understanding that the kids are doing what they are doing as a response to their coping with the world around them. This empathy needs to be developed resulting in effective parenting skills and it is my endeavour to put up valuable content and collate them at one place. Thus, this effort. Thanks for stopping by.
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