Children must be praised. It increases their self esteem and makes them feel good about life. Having said that, a parent must also discipline the child whenever required. Praise and disciplining must go hand in hand according to what the child deserves, case by case. A balance is a must. Either way, going too far is bad parenting. If you shower too much praise, chances are you would lose control over them. On the other hand, an autocratic style of parenting ensures that the child grows up to be dull and unimaginative.
A balanced approach leads to the Authoritative parenting style which
is considered to be the best style out of the four basic styles of parenting where you praise your child and tighten the leash as required. You must permit your child to take her own decisions because that is what life is all about. You cannot find a parent all the time in later years to help you take vital decisions. The capability must be developed. Thus the freedom to your child. However, the limits also must be drawn to see that the child does not proceed to take wrong decisions. Calibrated freedom.
Praise is also used by parents, sometimes as a bargaining point to get the kids to do as they want. The kids, so to say, would have to purchase the praise from the parents in return of ‘good’ behavior. This is syndrome best avoided as it is a manipulative pattern which makes everyone involved in playing games with one another. It could boomerang on the parent as the child too learns to play her own games. If you do not want to fall prey to such manipulative behavior, check out this excellent ebook written by Dr Noel Swanson, the Good Child Guide.
Showering praise on a child and making your child happy need not necessarily by a good thing. A happy child with not much conflict in life, no challenges, no one egging them on to perform, is often not a happy situation. This syndrome is often seen in the children of famous persons, who, even when they have everything, a poltroon of orderlies at their beck and call, seem to be quite unhappy, ill-adjusted to life and found to be taking to drugs and other escape route.
A balance is a must. You cannot have praise at the cost of discipline. And you cannot have discipline without praise when appropriate.
Too much discipline makes ‘Jack a dull boy’ and is called a authoritarian style of parenting. While too much praise leads to a permissive style of parenting which lacks control.
Striking a balance is not easy. But is the correct way to go. Try out these excellent resources designed for helping you raise self confident children. Ensure your success.
Read my blog on parenting
I am a concerned parent of two bright kids who pose constant challenges to my parenting skills. The effective skills can be developed, I found, in my continuing research on the subject from the understanding that the kids are doing what they are doing as a response to their coping with the world around them. This empathy needs to be developed resulting in effective parenting skills and it is my endeavour to put up valuable content and collate them at one place. If you are looking for some definitive guide to learn how to combat an over-enthusiastic kid at home, look at the reviews of some amazing resources here