Getting the respect and cooperation you want from others, especially your challenging loved ones, is tied to how emotionally intelligent you operate. Here is a quick primer to get you on your way to creating your own personal and productive Emotional Operating System.
1. Know your feelings. Know your potential for escalating into anger before you get into action with your challenging people.
2. Make behavior decisions that you will feel proud of. Your kids learn by watching you and listening to you. Your style will be their style.
3. Think through what others are feeling in a given situation and accept that you may not agree. Find the words to convey your feelings without denying someone else theirs.
4. Seek out something positive in a situation if at all possible. [And it is there, more often than not!] It might be microscopic or a real stretch, but shine that positive light on whatever you can.
5. Be persistent - appropriately! Stay on track, but back off the track when you know you will get nowhere right now.
6. Monitor your impulses. Reflect on your own thinking that won't help in the bigger picture.
7. You may need to withdraw your approval, but in the process don't withdraw the love. Think about how you deliver your message. What would you be feeling if you were on the receiving end?
8. Have tools to manage your emotions. Don't be swept away by them.
It all comes down to caring about the feelings of the other person. It's just the good old golden rule.
Ellen Mossman-Glazer M. Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavior Specialist. She is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion Matters: Tools and Tips for Parents, Educators and Caregivers and Social Skills: The Micro Steps. Subscribe for free and see more about Ellen at http://artofbehaviorchange.com/ You can take a free mini assessment which Ellen will reply to with your first action step. Over her 20 years in special education classrooms and treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that children and adults have when they feel they don't fit in. Currently she works in private practice helping parents, educators, caregivers and their challenging loved ones find the tools to thrive.