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Shorten Your Lifespan With Just 10 Easy Steps

Amy Bomar

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No, this isn't a typo, rather a very sarcastic attempt at grabbing your attention and hopefully convincing everyone reading this to take their health and wellness a little more seriously. For years now the health and wellness community- made up of physicians, dietitians, fitness professionals, and other healthcare practitioners- have been emphasizing the importance of exercise, proper diet and an overall healthy lifestyle to improve lifespan and decrease risk of disease.

Unfortunately, the message seems to be falling on deaf ears as the majority of the nation still doesn't partake in regular exercise. A recent study by the National Center for Health Statistics found that only 19% of the population engages in regular, high intensity physical activity (three intense 20-minute workouts per week). Other recent polls have shown US obesity rates to be at 30%- that's 3 out of every 10 people walking down the street. The nutritional state of the union doesn't come out all roses either. We still consume foods that have shown to increase risks of certain cancers and other disease.

It's obvious that some individuals have chosen to decrease their lifespan and would rather stay inactive and increase their disease risk. The path is known and I want to be supportive to all of those who would like to keep the feeling of low endurance, muscle strength and joint aches and pains. Choose from the list of 10 easy ways to shorten your lifespan to support your journey of lackluster health and wellness.

  1. Don't consume fruits and vegetables- especially the orange, red and deep green ones. Their vitamins and supportive phytochemicals may decrease your risk of cancer and you've been working very hard to bring it on.

  2. Stay away from fiber- who wants bulky poo? You'd rather leave that stuff inside your colon so it can ferment and stay close to your internal organs. You like lesions in your lower bowels right?

  3. Never break a sweat- stay on the couch if you want to keep your endurance low and you like that light headed feeling when you walk a flight of stairs. Besides aren't you building a fondness for being short of breath when you do things that exert you?

  4. Run away from weight training- if you like that smooshy feeling on your stomach and how your arm skin swings from side to side when you wave, then please don't lift weights and ruin it.

  5. Avoid stress relieving techniques like yoga or tai chi- if you consider your cardio workouts when your heart rate goes up from stress, anxiety or frustrating scenarios then do nothing to help you cope with it. Screw the relaxation effects of mind body workouts.

  6. Pour some simple sugar on it- yes, it tastes so good and it gives you the greatest feeling of crash and burn after you've eaten it. Why ruin a good thing and have steady energy that lasts longer? Did I mention that steady energy foods have more fiber in them, too? See number 2 (no pun intended) if you forgot about that nasty bird.

  7. Eat fatty foods often- they taste great and leave that fabulous greasy feeling all the way down your throat. They are loaded with those lovely little particles that make your blood vessels get inflamed and sometimes clog them up- saturated fat and cholesterol- yummy!

  8. Clean your plate- eat every morsel until you feel like you are going to explode. Overeating is good for you and leaves that really cool queasy, upset stomach feeling you get from riding a roller coaster after too much cotton candy. Portion control is for wimps!

  9. Your back hurts because you're not resting enough- stay on the couch and keep your legs up. You want your muscles to continue to atrophy and your flexibility to lessen. Whatever you do make sure you don't work on making your abdominals stronger to support your back.

  10. Drink up- consume all the alcohol you want. It makes you feel better and helps your liver to swell, your blood sugars to spike (remember the cool crash and burn) and feeds the cancer cells you've been growing from 1-9 activities.

Kick back, have a beer, massage your mush and take it all in. It doesn't get any better than this. Or does it? If you get the message loud and clear than contact a certified personal trainer to get you on track and show you how to improve and increase your lifespan. Life is good, but better when you have your health and wellness in check.

Amy is the NW Regional Trainer for Resist-A-Ball, Inc. and Faculty Trainer for the American Council on Exercise. Her Bachelor of Science was attained in Holistic Nutrition and is certified as a personal trainer, group fitness instructor, and yoga instructor. She also offers workshops, lectures and trainings for fitness professionals through her company FIT Launch, as well as providing personal training services locally.

To learn more and review health, wellness, and fitness products or learn how to receive free wellness information for your entire family, visit the Healthy Gatherings web site


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