The reason EFT and NLP (see resource box below) are effective is because they address the real issue. There is no endless analysis and trying to figure it all out. Why ask why? It doesn't matter why. If you have an issue, you have an issue.
Uncovering the how or why isn't going to solve anything, in fact, the endless seeking of answers allows us to excuse bad behavior in ourselves and others. Coming up with reasons why, rarely works anyway because then we ask, “Are you sure? Maybe it's something else?" and off we go on another snipe hunt. (The snipe is a made-up thing children often are tricked into searching for when on camping trips).
Why We Demand To Know Why
If you were hurt by the actions of another, it seems helpful to find a reason why. If you have a why it explains the bad behavior away. But there is no justifiable reason for being treated poorly. None. Someone else's personal problems does not give them the right to treat others badly. Asking why may seem to ease the emotional upset but it's an exercise in futility because you'll never know the true reason why, and you'll end up in an endless cycle trying to answer an unanswerable question.
Why Questions Cannot Be Answered
Why you do what you do? Doesn't matter. Just start working on the here and now. Stop asking WHY and start asking HOW.
How can I make things better for myself and my family? How can I feel better? How can I bring myself back to better health? How questions are great because they give your brain something to do. When a good idea suddenly pops into your mind, it is your brain, bringing an idea to your conscious mind to answer your earlier “how" question.
Think of at least three How questions, and write them down. Questions you may have previously been asking as Why questions.
"Why am I fat" becomes, “How can I lose 10 lbs?"
"Why can't I lose this weight, " becomes, “How can I adjust my patterns to support losing the weight I want?"
Just changing to using “how" will make a big difference.
Why questions can only be answered with further evidence that you can't or don't think you can. In other words, asking yourself why questions causes your brain to try to come up with answers or evidence to prove why.
If you ask, “Why can't I lose any weight?" your brain will helpfully put tempting foods, party plans, magazine covers with food, invitations out, etc.in front of you all day long. It's providing you answers of exactly why. That's not what you want. You want ideas for what to do differently (what questions are good too) or how to change.
Ask how or what, where or even when questions, rather than why questions. You'll get better answers and plenty of ideas for how to take the next step.
Hints on Changing Your Questions
Hints: Questions such as “How can I stop eating candy?" are better stated as “How can I make better food choices?" You want ideas for starting new, better habits, and when you do the old habits will simply fade away. There is no stopping, only starting.
Read these aloud and see what you think. If this makes sense to you, try it. If you think it's the darndest dumb thing you've ever heard, take a pass. You're free to take the ideas you like and put them to use and toss the rest aside. That's the fun of designing an eating style that works for you and helps you support your goals.
"I'll never be able to stop eating . . . " (Not very helpful thinking). How About: “How can I start eating better?"
"I hate my thighs. " OR: “What exercises can I try to change my legs?"
"Even if I lose it, I'll never be able to keep it off. " OR: “What can I do differently this time?"
Start asking better questions and you're bound to start getting better answers. If you have any stumper questions and cannot think of ways to ask them differently, send them to me.
~ Kathryn Martyn, Master NLP Practitioner, EFT counselor, Weight Loss Coach and owner of One More Bite Weight Loss is the author of “Changing Beliefs, Your First Step to Permanent Weight Loss. "
Learn to use Kathryn's One More Bite Approach with The Daily Bites: Mini lessons in using EFT for weight loss http://www.OneMoreBite-WeightLoss.com/getnews.html