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Assertive Styles - Warmly Proposing and Firmly Asserting


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This posting will detail warmly proposing, and the preferred one, firmly asserting styles, remembering that the other two are Aggressively Contolling and Passively Observing.

And let me say at the outset that the headings given to the assertive styles will vary depending upon the texts you take as reference and other research.

The actual titles of the styles are unimportant; it's the differentiation that occurs in the behaviour between each that matters as reference points for comparison, and for developing your own preferred style to be as close as possible to firmly asserting.

Warmly Proposing

This type of individual is likely to offer gentle comments and suggestions in discussions and conversations, nothing too intrusive, however.

A person displaying this warmly proposing style is usually more interested in finding out about other people, and in building better relationships between each person present.

They are not so much concerned with the proceedings as with the people who are in attendance.

They will not compromise a positive, conversational climate to push for any particular issue.

Their motto is, if I can't get what I want now, because it might hurt feelings, I can always try another time.

These sorts of people don't contribute anything to what's going on; they are fence-sitters, who naïvely want that everybody loves them and each other.

Examples all the body language include:

  • Open posture

  • Attentiveness, almost condescending

  • Gentle eye contact

  • Friendly, smiling face, almost beguiling

  • Some use of the hands when speaking, mainly for their own concentration and listening purposes

    Firmly Asserting

    Embracing mostly the qualities of this group will result in an effective, efficient, proactive and useful meeting.

    Everyone's opinion will be expressed and heard resulting in the best desired outcome with everyone feeling respected.

    Firmly Asserting people are likely to have a feeling of self-worth and understand their personal needs and rights.

    Having said that, they also recognize and value the importance of others, to express their needs and rights.

    This style will usually listen to others attentively before firmly communicating their own message, or to add additional material for clarification, and to invite further discussion.

    Firmly asserting people usually have very strong personal standards and act to ensure that their values are not a compromised in any negative fashion.

    Examples all the body language include:

  • Relaxed, slightly leaning forward posture

  • Lots of use of the hands

  • Good eye contact

  • Confidence, well-modulated voice

  • Pleasant, firm demeanor

    Although of these four types exist, and the preferred one is firmly asserting, that's not to say that some aspects of the others may not have their place under certain circumstances.

    However they are to be limited to the exception rather than the norm.

    As usual, when something is new or outside your comfort zone, the solution is to embrace these behaviours and

    practise, practise, practise

    Gloria M Hamilten is a recognized authority in disciplines within Personal Development and People Skills for Business Professionals, such as Time Management, Negotiation Skills, Developing High-Performance Teams, Assertion Skills, Building International Rapport, Conflict Management and Resolution, Presentation and Platform Skills.

    Her studies in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Psychology have lead to her researching brain disorders such as ADD and its relations.

    She has her own training business, and conducts courses for Organizations, Sporting groups and Tertiary Educational Institutions in Australia.

    Her professional experience covers over 30 years of study, research, one-on-one coaching, group coaching, presentations and workshops. Her clientele includes children as well as adults.

    Gloria Hamilten has authored the eBook: “Practical Self-Hypnosis for Success" and many Reports and online articles.

    Her websites provide a wealth of informative articles and resources on everything within these genres.

    Visit her websites and get a Free Report:

    This article may be freely reprinted or distributed in its entirety in any ezine, newsletter, or website. The author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and be included with every reproduction.

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