Relationship Secret - If They Don't Want You, You Don't Want Them


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I just read an email from one of the coldest fish I’ve ever met in business.

Not only is she bloodless, but she’s a dunce. Even Don Juan, who said we truly sharpen our skills as warriors by dealing with “impossible people” in high places, even that Master of the Universe, would find this mortal, this “petty tyrant, ” an utter abomination.

Still, there is a lot to be learned from such an adversary.

For one thing, encountering resistance is what happens when you are too big a fish for a particular pond. As I have said in a recent article, quoting a Chinese saying, “In shallow waters, dragons are the sport of shrimp. ”

If you aren’t really connecting with people, they’re not “your people. ”

Something is wrong, and it goes way beyond your techniques, your diplomacy, and your ability to adjust ideas to people, and people to ideas.

One of the hardest lessons to accept, especially if we have been successful, is this:

If They Don’t Want You, You Don’t Want Them!

Do you remember being in grade school or high school and having a crush on someone who didn’t know you existed? Worse, they didn’t WANT to know you existed?

Most of us have had this experience of unrequited love, and it hurts.

But what’s tragic is actually winning over “the wrong person, ” someone for whom you are second choice or worse, a choice of last resort. Then, you’re doomed to having an unfulfilled, loveless relationship.

It’s far better to get the brush-off, as rejection used to be quaintly called. But instead of interpreting it as a negative, we should rejoice.

They know something you refuse to see, that you simply aren’t a good match.

If you’re in sales, or you’re job hunting, or trying to win anyone over to your viewpoint, and they’re totally disinterested, be happy.

Don’t waste a minute bemoaning “what might have been, ” because it wasn’t actually meant to be.

Just paddle out to deeper waters and meet the catch of your dreams.

Dr. Gary S. Goodman is the best-selling author of 12 books and more than a thousand articles. A frequent expert commentator on radio and TV, he is quoted often in prominent publications such as The Wall Street Journal and Business Week. His seminars and training programs are sponsored internationally and he is a top-rated faculty member at more than 40 universities.

Dynamic, experienced, and lots of fun, Gary brings more than two decades of solid management and consulting experience to the table, along with the best academic preparation and credentials in the speaking and training industry. Holder of a Ph. D. from the Annenberg School For Communication at USC, an MBA from the Peter F. Drucker School of Management, and a law degree from Loyola, his clients include several Fortune 1000 companies along with successful family owned and operated firms.

Much more than a “talking head, ” Gary is a top mind that you'll enjoy working with and putting to use.

He can be reached at:


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