Language. Words. Phonetics. I’m obsessed with it. And I want to share a secret with you. You can learn how to maximize the ultimate power tool of communication. How? By taking a closer look at the WORDS we CHOOSE to use to co-create our reality. Follow me…
Chicken vs. Egg
Whether giving a presentation to a room full of people, or in one-on-one conversations, words travel out of our mouths and are picked up by others ears. However, our words filter back into our own ears as well. They travel into our brains, where new thoughts become new words, and the cycle continues.
But at what point does it look more like the words creating the thoughts vs. the thoughts creating the words? How many times have you said, “I hope so", “I doubt it", “I shouldn’t", I couldn’t"? How bout - “I’m too fat", “I’m too skinny", “I’m not educated enough", “I’m not talented enough"?
How are your words influencing your thoughts? More importantly, how do they make you FEEL? Begin by paying closer attention to how your words and the words of others make you FEEL.
“Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow. “ ~Oliver Wendell Holmes
Inaction vs. Action
Saying things like, “I’d like a promotion. But my manager is a jerk and I’m being passed over" - keeps us stuck. It also makes us sound like a victim. Are you? If not, play an active role in what happens in your reality by shifting the way you speak.
What if you said, “I’m getting that promotion by (name your target date) and a raise of (state the amount). I’m gathering documentation in a report for my manager. Once he/she is aware of all of the additional cash/clients/business I’m bringing to/saving the company, he/she will have to upgrade my position and salary".
The second version is action oriented. If you’re “waiting around" for a promotion, you must know it’s not working. I won’t get into the semantics of on-the-job advancement, but trust that it starts with your thoughts and your language. Also, setting a target date and specific amount for any goal sends a message to your brain and out into the universe, that you’re serious and you know by when you’ll see the specific desired results.
Limiting vs. Abundant
The word abundant signifies wealth. How can you be lacking anything if you are abundant? By using abundant language vs. limiting language you can shift from, “I don’t have enough" to “I am overflowing with abundance".
Try the following on for size:
“I’d like to go out with my friends more. But everyone is so busy. We never seem to have enough time to get together. "
OR…“I am e-mailing the girls this week to set up a girl’s night. Everyone is so successful right now that we have to set a specific date so we can share our successes with each other. We deserve a fun celebration - just for us!"
OK, maybe it doesn’t sound exactly the way you might say it, but do you see where I’m going? If we keep complaining that we don’t have a life that looks the way we want it to, and verbalizing it OUT LOUD – then we’ll just keep getting more of the same. Why? That’s how the universal law of attraction works. Like energy attracts like energy.
When you verbalize how you FEEL, the universe has no other option than to bring back to you exactly what you tell it you want. So if you say, “I don’t have" you keep getting, “I don’t have" Do you see? You gotta name it to claim it! Have it your way. The universe wants to give it to you and then some.
“Words, like Nature, half reveal and half conceal the Soul within. " ~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, “In memoriam A. H. H. , " 1850
Grateful vs. Lacking
I love saying thank you. Gratitude really is an attitude. Once you begin to say thanks for the things you do have in your life, you’ll automatically get more. Why? Because if you are coming from a place of gratitude, you can’t be coming from a place of lack.
If you are saying thank you, your brain shifts into abundance mode. You start to FEEL it in your heart. You then send out that energy into the universe that you are grateful, and it naturally begins to send you more! Sound too simple? It really is.
Try an experiment. Before you go to bed, write down at least five things you are grateful for each day. Keeping a gratitude journal shifts your focus from what you think you don’t have (lacking), to an awareness of your blessings (grateful). If you have a home, a car, a job, food to eat, a soft bed to sleep in - you are abundantly blessed and have much to be thankful for. Once you become truly grateful, you’ll create space for even more goodness to flow.
Affirmative vs. Mix Signals
Keep in mind that if the Universe can only bring you back exactly what you send out, then you need to be clear about sending out affirmative messages vs. mixed signals. Example: I have a client named Jenny. Jenny wanted to increase her client base in her home-based business.
Jenny said things like, “I’m working really hard on growing my business. But I just can’t seem to get more clients. It’s constantly like one step forward, two steps back". Did you hear how many mixed signals she’s sending out? Phrases like, “Working/hard, can’t get more clients, constantly one step forward two steps back"…keep Jenny chasing her tail and she has no idea that she keeps recreating the scenario through her language.
Jenny and I worked on shifting her language. She created a business mantra to sound like: “I am passionately pursuing my purpose. My business is a thriving, financially abundant source of creativity, growth and high integrity. Clients are attracted to my vision of highest good, positive energy and the wealthy supply of benefits only I can offer them. Clients consistently choose to purchase my products and services".
Do you hear how Jenny will naturally begin to attract higher quality clients with a positive mantra like the above? How can you shift your language from mixed signals to affirmative and action oriented? Want to change your life? Begin with your words!
Swearing, cursing, cussing and all that @#!&
Let’s face it - we all do it. I’ve been known to enjoy the pleasure of dropping an F-bomb from time to time. My point is to take notice of the FEELING behind it. Think about when you swear the most. What are you FEELING as you utter those four-letter verbal time bombs? It’s usually when you feel the following: Angry, frustrated, attacked, insecure, bitter, hostile, victimized, afraid, fearful, accused, betrayed, mistreated, mismanaged, overlooked, overwhelmed, tired, low energy, etc?
What could you do when you feel the cold, bitter taste of an expletive about to roll off your tongue? BREATHE. Take a moment and shift your focus back to the present. We use these words when we’re not in the moment, thus we’re not conscious of our language. I’m as guilty as anyone. I’m not saying sometimes you don’t want to just scream…“What the F#*@!" But really listen to conversations peppered with these words. How might you hear them differently?
Can you hear frustration, anger, and resentment? I can and it makes me think of a victim. When we feel this way it’s usually when we’re pointing the finger (sometimes the middle one) “out there" somewhere. We’re ready to place blame on someone or something or some situation that has done us wrong.
Aren’t we stronger, more graceful, more confident, and more loving than that? Can’t we face the traffic jam, the manic boss, the line at the grocery store, the kids screaming - in a better way than throwing back verbal vomit? Let’s be aware of the words we CHOOSE. Let’s not pollute the airwaves with our frustration, anger, or negative thoughts and feelings. Let’s get a grip and SHIFT!
“But if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought. " ~George Orwell
Nourish your vocab skills and nosh on some tasty, delectable, scrumptious, juicy and succulent words. Read more books. Listen to music. Chew on some poetry. Check out magazines of a genre you’d never thought to open up. Watch quirky films. Talk to your neighbors, your kids, your community members. Use your words as the TOOLS they were meant to be. To cultivate the life you were meant to live.
Imagine life as a cosmic drive-thru. You order sexy, sassy, fun-filled, action-packed, peaceful and loving…you’re gonna get it. You order, not enough, don’t have, can’t do, just surviving, never gonna happen, you’ll get that as well. I’m gonna have it my way - extra juicy - how bout you?
Kammie Kobyleski has been having coaching conversations her whole life. After working in corporate communications, marketing, training & development, and higher education, Kammie made the shift into life & career coaching and consulting. Her life’s mission is helping people fall in love with life. The integration of mind, body, spirit and personal empowerment are Kammie’s passionate focus. For free resources, articles and information visit http://www.passionmeetspurpose.com or send questions to: firstname.lastname@example.org