Humor Up In Smoke

Chinmay Chakravarty
 


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Before you guzzle through the following pre-recorded observatory scenarios here is the usual Con Quixotic warning: Cigarette smoking is injurious to your health and to the health of all others who can smell you smoke.

Recommendation: This writing is best read with a smoke free mind.

Assumption: Addicted people are not necessarily afflicted people.

Scenario One. This concerns definitely not the pedigree variety. They usually are in constant trepidation that their money is being smoked out by their irksome habit. They fear that buying a full packet would be an incentive for increased intake. So they buy in pieces—one or two at a time. They put naked piece carefully in their shirt pockets and manipulate their hands so as not to hurt it in any way. But, even then, when they finally take it out it assumes the appearance of a rattle snake. So they meticulously set about to put it back into shape. Then they prepare to do the inevitable.

Scenario Two. This concerns the artistically oriented people. They do everything in style. They would take out the packet with loving hands and would select a piece with caressing fingers. Taking now the matchbox in one hand and the piece in the other they would indulge in a most sublime foreplay. Open end of the piece would be tossed against the matchbox again and again so that there are no fringe disadvantages. They would then put it between the lips, but would again be back to tossing so that the foreplay builds up the required momentum. Finally they prepare to do the inevitable.

Scenario Three. This concerns a relatively rare species. Once, luckily, one was spotted in a busy bus stand. He drew out his packet, took out a piece and then, looked around suspiciously. This made the wary observer very curious and attentive, but careful enough not to make eye contact. He sized up the piece horizontally in both hands and again looked around tentatively. Assured now, with the brutal precision of an executioner he snapped the piece into two. Flattening out the loose ends he put one half back into the packet and deposited the packet safely in his pocket. He considered the other half with the complacency of a predator, brushed it up still finer and measured its length. He had to be extra careful as he had an imperious moustache. Then he prepared to do the inevitable. ***

Chinmay Chakravarty is a professional specialized in the creative field with over two decades of experience in journalistic writing, media co-ordination, film script writing, film dubbing, film & video making, management of international film festivals and editing of books & journals. Started career with a stint as a freelance journalist and then joining Indian Information Service. Employed by the Ministry of Information & Broadcasting, Govt. of India, worked at Films Division, Mumbai as Sr. Commentary Writer from 1987 to October, 2006. Presently working in Mumbai Doordarshan, TV channel of Govt. Of India, as a News Editor.

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