Don't we all believe we know how and what we are?
Except for those difficult moments in life, in which we are confused and might be searching, we really believe we know. We assume we are “as we are". How often have you heard: “That is the way I am. I can't change that. " But we can and we do - consciously or subconsciously we are changing all the time.
What Mark Victor Hansen is saying here is we become what we think about most of the time. If we dwell longer on the problem than the solution, our life can indeed become very difficult. Unfortunately it seems to be what we do on a regular basis.
Let me give you an example:
You have bought a picture and want to hang it up in your living room but you don't have a drill. Your neighbor has one but when he last asked you if you can lend him a set of wrenches, you had lied to him and said you don't have any because things seem never to come back fully when you lend them out.
So why should he lend you his drill? “I only need it for 5 Minutes. He really should not mind that, but probably he will. How stupid of him. It is only a drill. I would lend him mine if he only wanted it for a few minutes, who wouldn't? Ah, but that is typical. When you need something you are left alone. Nobody helps you. . . . " and so on and so on.
A couple of days later, while your new picture is still sitting on the floor, you have thought yourself in a frenzy over the “drill problem". When your doorbell rings and you see your neighbor standing there with a friendly smile on his face, you freak: “What do you want, you stupid #&*@. I don't need your bl. . dy drill. Leave me alone, " you scream at the poor man who only wanted to invite you to his birthday party.
Not realistic? Look around you and you will see it happening.
Or you think your spouse is having an affair because he comes home later and later and seems to be absent minded and not at all interested in you. You start to wonder what is happening, look for the fault in yourself and get upset, sad or furious. Depending on your character and your personal values you might either lay in bed frustrated waiting for him to finally come home so you can attack him with the poisonous thoughts that has built up in you. Or you could be one of those quiet ones that keeps it all to herself until one day he comes home and you are gone. Or you could become a deductive and search his clothes and briefcase. . . or you could pester him with questions of his whereabouts and with whom. . .
I don't know how you would handle a situation like that. We are all so unique and find different ways to do these things but in all the above scenarios the situation would come to a head because we have THOUGHT OURSELVES into an unbearable situation while our partner might be in a completely different scenario.
What about making an appointment with your spouse to talk about the feelings you have? If you can stay calm during this you might be surprised to find that he is relieved he can finally talk to you about his side of things. He might have problems at work that keep him occupied so many hours and he did not want to worry you. Who knows - there can be all kinds of scenarios that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
"We become what we think about all day long" was said by Napoleon Hill 70 years ago. Even then it was not a new thought. Many philosophers and scientists have come to this conclusion.
But doesn't this also give us great opportunities? Doesn't it mean we can be exactly who we want to be? Our thoughts belong to us. They are created in our mind by us - consciously or subconsciously. And here lies the challenge.
Most thoughts bubble up without us even being aware of them. Listen to your thoughts when you can't sleep at night or before you go to sleep or just after you wake up. Are they all empowering and encouraging? Do they give you solutions or recurrent challenges?
As our thoughts are created by us, shouldn't we be able to control them and think only the thoughts that bring us to the results we desire? That would be ideal and to a certain extend we can actually do that. All it takes is some practice.
Look at the last time you wanted to do something different, something new but didn't dare. What thoughts, what feelings stopped you? Why did you not do it or if you did, what made you dare? What were your feelings? Where did they come from and where they REAL??? Could you have looked at the situation from another perspective? What other perspective might your neighbor, spouse, child, colleague have? If you had had different thoughts and consequently different feelings, what might have changed?
I suggest you take a notebook and write all the answers down so you can come back to it anytime and please remember, we are taking small baby steps here so don't expect too much.
Thoughts come from feelings and feelings come from ALL the different experiences we have had in the past. We cannot change them overnight but we can change them - on step, one idea, one thought at the time.
Have a thoughtful day -. )
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Barbara is the author of 2 books “To be or not to be - the Choice iy YOURS"" and “To be or not to be - a Woman's Choice". She runs an ongoing Self Development Program at http://www.trainingvisions.com in which she personally coaches her clients with her practical step-by-step approach.
Barbara is also an Executive Speech Coach and a Distinguished Toastmaster.