The first step is to become your own best friend and cheerleader.
Begin by acknowledging your talents and abilities. Write a list. Include the ‘little things', they count! Everybody is good at something. Think of the things that come easily to you. Take time to do this exercise, it will encourage you to recognize what you're good at.
Spend time thinking about all the things you do well and the things that have gone well for you. Look for things that make you feel good about yourself.
- photos of past achievements
- note exams that you've passed
- things that you've written
- thank you cards
- memories of compliments you've received and positive things that have been said to you . . .
To build self confidence you need to do things that will help you to gain confidence.
Decide to stop under estimating yourself and stop comparing yourself to other people. Stop demanding that everything be perfect, things seldom are, yet they are often ‘good enough’.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes - let yourself off the hook. Don't dwell on past mistakes. Learn from them and move on. Concentrate on the positive things that you've done and let your successes be your inspiration.
Focus on what you're capable of rather than what you can't do. Give yourself credit for your efforts even when things don't turn out as expected. Learn from your mistakes - ask yourself what you could do differently next time.
Monitor your self talk. That's the inner voice that says, ‘I can't do this', ‘I made a mess of that again’ . . .
It's time to shut you inner critic up. Remember, you're going to be your own best friend, Friends encourage one another and build one another up. So, the next time your negative critic starts to tell you that you're no good at something, silence it.
Replace the negatives with positives. Tell yourself, “I can do this, I just need a bit of help. " “I did much better this time, I'm getting there. "
Make a decision to only allow your inner voice to offer constructive, encouraging comments.
Observe your self talk for a week. This is the first step in turning your self talk into an ally. Listen to what you're telling yourself.
- What kind of things have you been saying to yourself?
- Are they helpful?
- Would you speak that way to a friend or a young child?
You develop self-confidence by thinking well of yourself and feeling good about yourself, not by beating yourself up.
Try giving yourself gentle advice and encouragement. For example, when you've made a mess of something, tell yourself, “I could have handled that better but it's time to move on, learn from my mistake and think about how I can do it better next time.
Remember to record your achievements in your scrapbook or journal. When you need a boost, look at them and remind yourself of your successes. In time, you'll have more faith in your abilities and more confidence to try new things.
"Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was. " Richard L Evans
"Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. " Norman Vincent Peale
"The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear. " William Jennings Bryan
You'll find more practical coaching articles at http://www.christianlifecoaching.co.uk
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Lynne Lee is a Christian life coach and spiritual mentor. She helps people to re-design their lives around what matters most.
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