Seven Ways to Spot a Superficial Person in Your Relationship - FamilyVision Column


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Glenda knows she’s “Hot and Sassy. ” Her world revolves around her needs. Her parents beckon to her wants and desires. Men embrace her like royalty. However, Glenda is shallow in deed. She places good looks, right family breeding, and material possessions over a person’s character. Glenda doesn’t understand why she’s so unhappy. As Glenda walks down the street in her new mink with a new fellow by her side, one old man winks to another, “Man, that woman is high maintenance. ”

The Introspection

Are you surrounded by shallow people? Are you in an intimate relationship with a superficial individual? You like that person, but the superficial nature of that person is a barrier to any genuine relationship. This situation is a case where actions speak louder than words. Why is this case? Well, you see them saying the right words and attempting to do the right things. However, sooner or later, their superficial disposition comes out, and you can’t believe they are that way. If you were honest with yourself, you knew that person was pretty hollow in the beginning, but you didn’t want to accept it. Let’s analyze this situation closer.

First, there are no physical characteristics that can identify a superficial person. Clearly, shallow people come in all shapes and sizes. They have varying backgrounds. They live in every community. However, these people all have a common characteristic; they are externally-driven. This article explores how to detect these people and save you from some relationship distress. However, you will also learn how to surround yourself with great content instead. Therefore, this process will produce better relationships with family, friends, co-workers, and loved ones. You can utilize your time better and become more efficient by improving your relationships.

The Character Factor

Second, an individual’s character still counts in fostering meaningful relationships in spite of power or material wealth. Superficial people care little about the value of other people, so they foster focused inwardly. What is in it for me? Because shallow individuals are constantly trying to make the world conform to them, they focus little on building good personal content.

England's best-known preacher Charles Spurgeon once noted, “A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble. ” Shallow people are often distracted with other things besides good character. Some chase money. Other chase power or fame. Unfortunately, these things lack much substance. Like eating frosting on a cake, these people never get a nutritious meal to promote a healthy spirit. Yes, the frosting provides a short-term boost in life, but it is not lasting. Therefore, superficial people spend little time on good content.

Wrong Pursuit

In the frantic pace of modern living, many people are in the pursuit of the wrong possessions. The media bombards us with the notion that “We deserve it all. ” When this philosophy is believed, it creates a generation of inwardly focused people. We become a “Me” generation. Because this person feels he is entitled to be happy, he focuses on what can make him happy now. Obviously, it is far easier to pursuit things (money, power, right clique, etc. ) in terms of happiness because they are tangible to the eyes. However, this short path is not a road to fortune but perhaps a highway to destruction.

If you are in relationships with outward-focused people, you can be assured that your intimacy will lack depth. Your relationship may feel like the real thing but over time the truth usually will reveal itself. How does an individual then seek to surround themselves with people of good content? In addressing this question, here are things to consider in any relationship:

  1. What is the person, overall objective in life?
  2. Is the person more about acquiring material possessions or outward appearances than building lasting relationships?
  3. Can you trust that individual?
  4. Do you feel you are being used or taken advantage of?
  5. Is the person more concerned about her image than doing the right things?
  6. Do you consider yourself a superficial person? If so, do you want to change?
  7. Do you honestly think that the people you associate with have good character? If not, why are you associated with them?

The Real Thing

Finally, building true relationships is depended on the right idiosyncrasies. An individual’s character is more important than what he or she brings in terms of assets. Sadly, some people do not have this deepness of character. They exist on the shallow end of the spectrum; they rarely make serious relationships. Why is this factor the case? These people are more concerned with what’s on the outside of an individual than what is on the inside. Clearly, this is a mistake. Real individuals want quality and meaningful relationships. Are you involved in shallow relationships? To have a great life, focus more on good content. Move away from superficial relationships. Start today!

Daryl and Estraletta Green provide personal advice all around the country. They are the author of several books, including My Cup Runneth Over: Setting Goals for Single Parents and Working Couples. They have been noted and quoted in such media organizations such as USA Today and AP. The Green’s nationally syndicated column, FamilyVision, reached 200 newspapers and over 12 million readers. Do you want a better life? To get a free one hour personal coaching session, you can contact them at


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