A great majority of people would say “wish they had" instead of expecting that they will have. This is mainly because we are not taught to be forward-looking. Thus, we do not become future-oriented. We have problems in relationship and we tend to look at our environment, at what we have and with what resources we have at present.
We also have the tendency to get stuck in the past. And worse, many live in the past with past regards. Their common phrase is “I wish I had…" instead of “I’m glad I did".
This is particularly true in relationships. We wish we had said this or done that to the ones we love such as “I have been looking forward to hearing from you. " And our tendency to be limited in our thinking and imagination has, in fact, limited the growth of these relationships. And we tend to focus on our problems in relationship.
The good news is, we can learn to be forward-looking. How do you see your relationship in the future? How do you picture your relationship developing? Is it getting stronger, able to overcome difficulties in life? Do you bond instead of break up in the face of adversities or challenges in life?
A major factor in determining where your relationship will go in the future is basically your attitude on how you look at it in the future. What do you want your relationship to be? Where do you want it to go? Do you want it to mature to a level that you can take anything life throws your way? Do you want to see the relationship develop that you and your partner can just enjoy each other regardless of whatever circumstance you are in?
I remember my experience when I passed a difficult time. I was looking for jobs as I had been part of a plant downsizing activity where some of us managers were given an “early retirement" package. The basic question that came out is how to survive in the next few months without a regular job. What about the children’s schooling, paying the bills, etc. ?
Instead of complaining at the situation, and arguing about the looming financial crisis when the “retirement" package runs out, my spouse and I bonded, closed ranks and said to ourselves that we will weather this financial crisis and come out with more experience as to how to handle ourselves in crisis.
We expected and believed something better will come our way. And true enough, the crisis made us closer and we even felt invincible that we can overcome any situation, any difficulty as long as we are united as a couple, as a family.
We saw this situation as a learning experience. With a positive attitude, belief in ourselves and faith in God, we found ourselves in a better situation. We overcame potential problems in relationship.
We had pictured a better and stronger relationship in the future. We had seen it in our mind’s eye. We wanted and expected this kind of a relationship. And we have it. We also continue to treasure our relationship every moment always looking forward to a great life.
Believe in the power of expectation. It works!
Ted and Christine Segura have been involved in the topic of relationships and are in an organization that helps couples and families in the areas of family life and enhancing relations. Go to http://www.idealfamilylife.com