Liking a brand new acquaintance can make it difficult to tell whether the good things he says will provide appropriate or inappropriate validation. A Mr. Wrong can have traits about him or say things to you that make him appear to be Mr. Right. Stay aware of the potential these words and actions have to bond you to the wrong man. Mr. Wrong may or may not be trying to hook you on purpose – maybe he really is wild about you – but how long will his feelings last? Is he perhaps just infatuated with you, and will he vanish once his infatuation is also gone? How right is he for you in the long run? For starters, look for the following:
He has a wonderful sense of humor
Mr. Wrong –has a sense of humor that hooks you and keeps you laughing all the way to bed, but he drops you after your lost self has become hooked on the sex and attention and you start wanting an emotional bond from him. Mr. Right – loves to laugh with you at those private jokes only the two of you get. So far, so good. Just allow him time to prove that he’s interested in the long run with you.
He flatters you, B.
Mr. Wrong – flatters you incessantly, like you’re the most perfect thing on earth, which would be fine to do after you got to know each other, lovely in fact; but in the beginning is it just his infatuation talking or is it true love? You need more time to get to know him before you’ll be able to tell.
Mr. Right – loves to tell you how soft your hair is and how pretty your eyes are and how nice you look in that outfit – a wonderful change from the some of the men in your past. Once again, allow him time to prove that he’s interested in the long run with you.
He implies there’s a relationship that really hasn’t had time to blossom
Mr. Wrong – talks very quickly about the future and hints that you’ll be a part of it, even though you two met only recently. Mr. Right – doesn’t say anything that would mislead you into thinking he feels more for you than he does; he takes things one step at a time.
He plays off of that instant connection – “It’s like we’ve known each other our whole lives!"
Mr. Wrong – takes advantage of the emotional rush he sees you having to seduce you into going to bed with him. Mr. Right – Enjoys knowing he may have found Ms. Right, but doesn’t base the entire relationship on that one emotional connection – he wants to see if you’re a compatible couple in other ways.
He holds commercials for himself
Mr. Wrong – has to tell you what a good catch he is – I’m a good guy . . . I’m honest . . . My last girlfriend wanted to marry me – because you’d never believe it from his behavior. Mr. Right – will show you he’s a good guy by how he treats you. He’ll call when he says he will, shows up on time, doesn’t leave you guessing as to where you stand with him.
He rushes the courtship
Mr. Wrong – is infatuated with you and is trying to get you into bed – while you’re still infatuated with him, but before you discover his deal-breaking flaws. Mr. Right – knows how to enjoy the courtship and get to know you at a pace you’re comfortable with.
He makes you feel good about yourself
Mr. Wrong – makes you feel good because he’s giving you attention and validation and filling the emotional emptiness within, not necessarily because he either wants to be your friend or because he’s your Mr. Right. Mr. Right – makes you feel good because you feel a genuine connection with him; that you actually like each other and may have found new friends in each other, and a friendship with potential to become something more.
Don’t get hooked on insufficient evidence. Misreading signals or acting on your yearning for validation can throw you into bed with Mr. Wrong, make you lose your self, and plunge you into a dismal emotional Abyss. Moving too fast can throw you into bed prematurely with Mr. Right and possibly sabotage a good relationship. Moving too fast can cause your fears to flare up and create problems for you both. The only way to feel safe once again will be to push him away, to create a safe distance once again. During these early stages of courtship, value yourself enough to wait until both the man and the time are right for physical intimacy to occur. Focus at first on emotional intimacy instead of physical. Remind yourself that if you lose a man because he wouldn’t wait more than a few dates to have sex with you, you haven’t lost a man worth keeping.
Dating Expert and Speaker Marcia Augustine is the author of Emotional Wavelengths: How to Tune In Marriage to Mr. Right. Set for a Fall 2006 release, you can order your copy now from her website at a special discounted prepublication price.