The Journey from "I-TO-WE" Assessment - Part 13: Conscious Conflict

Glenn Cohen

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Do you ever wonder, “What could have been…?" Do you worry about being constantly disappointed by your partner? By allowing your mind to dwell on such abstract and negative thoughts, you create conditions that make you feel unsafe and form unrealistic expectations. These forces cause conflict and reactivity. In Co-Creating a Conscious Relationship™, you must develop ways to maintain safety and realistic expectations. This assessment allows you to explore how you handle potential conflict.

This free set of assessments offers you the chance to find powerful answers. If you are willing to take the time to reflect on these questions, discuss them, and be honest with yourselves and each other, it can help you on your journey to Co-Create a Conscious Relationship™ so you can be

Best Friends During the Day,
Lovers at Night, and
Partners for Life™.

The adventure of life gives us the incredible opportunity to learn and grow as individuals. I like to say that we do not stop learning, stretching, growing, maturing, and changing until we are 6 feet under. What happens so often is we go through life unaware that we don’t know what we don’t know. In this fast-paced world, many of us do not have or take the time to sit, take a deep breath, and really think about the statements addressed in these assessments. We usually do not reflect on and consider the impact the answers to these statements can have on our relationship. We must gain the awareness, learn the techniques, and practice the skills to Co-Create a Conscious Relationship™.

Take your time to think about each statement and be honest. One partner should use a black pen and the other partner a red pen. Rate your degree of agreement for each statement on a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being a definite yes and 1 being a definite no. Write your score on the first line to the left of each statement. The second line is for your partner’s score.

You may find it difficult to give certain statements a low score. You may worry that your response will hurt or offend your partner or create conflict. Honesty, however, is critical for the success of the Co-Create a Conscious Relationship™ program. Also, no matter what score your partner writes down, be supportive; do not get defensive, resentful, or angry. Thank him or her for being courageous and honest. All of the topics in this assessment series are covered in detail, with exercises, in my book The Journey from “I-TO-WE". ™

Conscious Conflict

_ _ - 1 - We understand that most of our reactions come from past wounds and fears.

_ _ - 2 - We can differentiate between present realities and past pain and fears.

_ _ - 3 - We recognize when we are being reactive toward our partner.

_ _ - 4 - We know how our reactions negatively affect our partner and communications.

_ _ - 5 - We keep our discussions safe, honest, peaceful, respectful, and loving.

_ _ - 6 - We do not project Relationship Killer words and actions at each other.

_ _ - 7 - We accept absolute personal responsibility for our words and actions.

_ _ - 8 - We know the rules for being the Sender and follow them.

_ _ - 9 - We know the rules for being the Receiver and follow them.

_ _ - 10 - We know how to listen, reflect, understand, and empathize with our partner.

_ _ - Total Score

You have 10 statements for a total possible score of 100. If your total is:

  • 80 or higher - You scored in the upper percentile – Congratulations! You have obviously taken the time to work, ensuring your relationship has the best chance to be successful. Though your relationship is strong, it can only benefit from gaining new awareness, new skills, and new techniques. Good luck in Co-Creating a Conscious Relationship™!

  • 60 – 79 - You scored in the average range – Congratulations! Re-read the statements you scored low on and take the time to learn how to raise your score. Consider Co-Creating a Conscious Relationship™through gaining new awareness, new skills, and new techniques. You and the relationship will be much stronger on The Journey from “I-TO-WE"™.

  • 0 – 59 - You scored in the lower range – Congratulations! You now know where you need to take the time to closely examine these areas of your relationship. It would benefit both of you to think about these statements, and work toward Co-Creating a Conscious Relationship™ through gaining new awareness, new skills, and new techniques. Commit to each other to give unselfishly and unconditionally to do whatever you need to do to make each other feel safe, loved and cared for

    I hope this part of this assessment has been enlightening and helpful.
    When you get a chance, take the next set of this assessment.
    Keep the print outs for each so, at the end of the series,
    you can trace your progress on your journey to
    Co-Create a Conscious Relationship.

    I hope you and your partner
    Gain the Awareness, Learn the Skills and
    Practice the Techniques so you are successful on your
    Journey from “I-TO-WE"™ to live your lives as each other’s

    Best Friends During the Day,
    Lovers at Night, and
    Partners for Life

    ©2006 – All Rights Reserved – Glenn Cohen
    “I-TO-WE" Relationship Coaching™

    Glenn Cohen is the author of the dynamic new book,
    The Journey from “I-TO-WE"™

    If you would like to explore engaging Glenn in coaching services,
    or for speaking engagements, seminars, or workshops,
    contact him at

    For more information on his comprehensive, unique
    Co-Create a Conscious Relationship™ Program,
    visit the website: http//

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