Sometimes you have a great relationship and for some unknown reason you do something really stupid and the person ends up breaking up with you. You can’t help kicking yourself, and turning it over and over in your heard, “If only I had said this” or “If only I had done that instead” “Why did it have to happen?”
May be at the time you thought that he/she over reacted but after really thinking about it, you can see he/she had a point and must have felt really terrible. Besides you really miss him/her. How do you make those first steps to getting your ex back?
If you did something really criminal like cheated on them and or broke up the relationship to explore a relationship with a mutual friend, they may want nothing to do with you. But if what you did is forgivable, they might want to try to give it another shot - some relationships are just meant to be and you will not know if you do not try to find out. But before you go rushing to get your love back you need to do a few things:
1. Really analyze what went wrong. Just making amends by telling him/her you're truly sorry isn’t going to do it. You must do whatever you need to do to make sure that you do not repeat your mistakes - and that they can be confident you've changed.
2. Be willing to do whatever it takes, this may include eating a really humble pie. It's always easy to blame your “problems" on someone else. To believe that if he/she wasn't acting in a certain way, your relationship would be great. Wrong. You attracted this person because the two of you are vibrating at the same frequency and in the same direction and your direction may be that of pain and self-destruction. Admit your issues, and like I said resolve them, otherwise you'll get in the cycle of on-again and off-again madness.
3. Try to find out before hand how he/she feels. Observe his/her expressions and body language when around you. If you haven’t had a chance to meet since the break up and you have mutual friends or you are close to his/her family, ask them if he/she has confided in them whether he/she is open to getting back together. They may even have some ideas for you regarding how you can make the transition easier. However, this is a very risky move especially if the reason you broke up in the first place has to do with trust, or not being open enough. They may see it as you usual “sneaky” self.
Some people try to get back on phone, but a face-to-face meeting is the best approach. You will come across as more sincere if he/she can see your body language.
Do not try and make it look like you accidentally bumped into him/her and now want to discuss getting back together. He/she won’t take you seriously. Instead ask to see him/her and explain why. If he/she says “No-way” , at least you have a fair idea that he/she may still be angry at you. Don't be discouraged though. He/she has the right to hurt. We all do.
Try contacting him/her again a few weeks after. If he/she still refuses to meet you, chances are they have moved on. Sorry. No need to make a pest of yourself or start acting like a stalker.
But if he/she agrees to meet you:
1. Apologize. Go all out to convey how truly sorry you are. Avoid going into a rant and rave about what he/she did to make you do what you did. It’s self defeating. Let him/her know how dreadful you feel about the whole issue.
2. Hear him/her out. Let him/her talk about the hurt, the anger, and all the emotions. Don’t’ try to belittle any of them. People have the right to their emotions even if you do not agree. After they’ve gotten it out they will most likely feel understood and will be willing later on to hear your side of the story.
3. Promise to start the relationship with a clean slate. Try and set out constructive ideas how you will avoid, at all costs, things ever reaching that state again. Resolve that it will never happen again and work towards it.
4. Woo him/her again. Let him/her know in subtle ways that you will never repeat the mistake. Make the relationship come alive by rekindling the fires. Make him/her feel special. Give him/her many reasons to be deliriously happy.
Not many people are that fortunate. Make it work!
If you are struggling (or going crazy) with getting over a relationship that drifted apart for no apparent reason or if you are considering giving your ex a second chance (and not sure if it’s worth a second try), I have a whole section on my website dedicated to men/women trying to love again but feeling stuck on an ex; and anyone convinced his/her current lover is stuck on an ex (some tell-tale signs that he/she is really over an ex).
About the Author: Christine Akiteng, Internationally renowned *** Confidence/Dating Coach and author of ebook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™ helps men and women cultivate that NATURAL EASE that draws the opposite sex in - without the mental stress and emotional frustration of today's dating dynamics.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com