To meditate incorrectly, take on meditation as you have taken on everything else in life – aggressively. Determine that you will become the best meditator ever, and think very positively. Then establish a rigorous schedule and resolve that you will become enlightened faster than any sage in history, bar none. It took the Buddha 6 years. Hah, you can do it in a few weeks!
If thoughts hound your practice, violently push them out of your mind and grit your teeth so that no thought has a chance to disrupt your inner-peace. This is a fight to the finish, and you will win. Just don’t let anything get in your way. If anger comes up, use it. Apply it to your poor efforts, because if you don’t, you will never get ahead in you practice. Get angry! Get even!
Don’t pay any attention to your teacher. She hasn’t a clue about how advanced you are. She still talks about things that you have breezed past ages ago, and isn’t on the same page at all. And most importantly, keep an eagle eye on your competitors, the ones who sit next to you and pretend that they are such great meditators, acting so peaceful and content. Hah! They are impostors, we know that, so keep a close eye on them for when they slip up and reveal how inept they really are.
If you don’t feel like meditating when it’s time to meditate, just pass. Your intuition is telling you that something is more important, and your intuition never fails. Maybe you’re tired and your body needs rest. Don’t let meditation interfere with your life, after all, you have to make a living and be around people. It’s not as if you are a hermit. Don’t make your friends think that you’re weird or something. That wouldn’t be good.
Actually, maybe you’re just not cut out to be a meditator, after all, how many of your friends have even heard of meditation? I mean; you’ve tried to meditate for a few days now and nothing has happened, so maybe it’s not for you; after all, what are you really going to get out of it? It hasn’t changed your life yet . . . and it sure is boring.
Yep, you tried, and it didn’t work. On to greater things, for yourself . . .
E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, http://www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-eight years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.AYearToEnlightenment.com